


Dichotomy

by Tickette



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other, Out of Character, References to Drugs, Underage Smoking, doubts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tickette/pseuds/Tickette
Summary: Meg is placed in a foster home with Ed and Tamera Lincoln.  They seem too good to be true, but eventually, she learns they are as kind and nice and caring as they appear.  She helps with a younger boy, Alfie, who was placed with her.  Dean and Sam join them later.  Adam is the last to join.  Cas, who has been with Ed and Tamera the longest, is rude and standoffish to them all.Something is not quite right.“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” ― Charles Addams
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	1. Meg

Meg had just finished sweeping the kitchen when Cas slouched downstairs. His cold, hard eyes glanced at her briefly before he headed outside. She didn't understand how he always got out of his chores. Okay, not always, but a lot of the time, and it pissed her off. Why did he get to slack off? The fucking shit. She had to have 'talks' too, but no, she never got a pass. She tried bringing the subject up with their foster parents but was told it was complicated. 

This place sucks. I should run away. 

Meg grit her teeth and tried not to brood over it but failed. Cas should be washing these fucking dishes not her. She saw him smoking out in the backyard. He was always smoking. She could not believe he got away with it, given how the Lincolns were about everything else. 

Maybe he'll die of cancer. 

She smiled at the thought while she scrubbed the last pot. Her glee turned sour after a few moments when she realized sixteen was way too fucking young to die. Plus she’d probably be the one taking care of his sick ass.

After wiping down all the countertops and flipping Cas the bird through the window, she went upstairs to do her homework. The first thing she did was pull out the book for her essay. Melville was not the easiest read, but she powered through. Meg’s Sophomore year was packed full of not only regular classes but extra credits so she could graduate a year earlier. No way was she going to rot in this hell hole of a town longer than needed. She was finally in a stable enough home she could concentrate on more than getting enough to eat, not getting raped, and finding a safe place to sleep. A knock on the door derailed her thoughts on why Billy Budd needed to hang.

“Open.” Meg turned to face the door. A smiling face greeted her.

“We are going to watch a movie. Want to join?” 

It was Tamera, her foster mother. Her smile seemed genuine, which Meg often doubted, and she always was quiet, which Meg had considered weak, but found out was wrong. Tamera had the manner of a matronly grandmother--without the heavyset frame, grey hair, or spectacles-- but was a mama bear when Meg was having trouble at school. No one had stood up for her like Tamera. Also, Meg had been quite surprised to find out that the woman with dark auburn hair, bright green eyes, and trim body, was a nickel from sixty instead of forty. 

Meg smirked first but forced it into a strained smile and replied with a shake of her head. “I have to finish this essay and study for a Calculus test, but thanks.” She patted the math book sitting next to her.

“Alright sweet-- I'm sorry, Meg, I can't help myself. Good luck with studying.” Tamera waved and left. 

Meg's strained smile softened. She had made it clear she did not like any sort of pet names as terms of endearment; past foster parents had ruined that for her. However, she was warming up to Tamera.

Meg looked out her window to watch the last bits of the sunset fade away, something she never did before. The bright oranges and yellows were deepening with reds and hints of blue and grey. Movement caught her eye. She scanned the backyard noting Cas was not inside yet; he was still smoking out by the back fence, pacing. He was such a weird guy. He stared too long, rarely spoke, and he always looked pissed. She didn't know what had happened to land him here, but she did know this was the only foster family he'd lived with for the whole five years he'd been in the system. Lucky bastard. They never really talked past a few word exchanges but she found him blunt and rude, not too unlike herself. She hated being around him. He had the emotional range of a rock.

A couple of hours later, Meg stretched and called it a night. No way was she going to cram any more information into her brain. She took a shower, did her nightly routine, went to the bedroom next to hers, and knocked.

“Hey, Alfie, you in there?” Meg asked through the door. Alfie Oliver Samandriel was the newest member of their family. He was a thirteen-year-old boy who had only recently been placed in the system due to neglect and abuse. He was painfully shy, which made people think he was slow, but was actually quite bright. For the two weeks he had been with them, he had only spoken with Meg. Luckily Ed and Tamera Lincoln were good, patient people, something which still shocked Meg after nine months.

The door opened a couple of inches showing a bright blue eye. “Yeah, I’m here,” his voice was soft and guarded.

Meg smirked and gave a little wave. “Who’d you think it was?”

"I thought…" Alfie ducked his head as he opened the door the rest of the way. He stood behind it like a shield until he was sure Meg was just going to stand in the doorway. 

“I'm just giving you shit.” Meg leaned on the door jam, her arms crossed. She ignored his timid nature but respected his boundaries. "It's time for bed."

He wrapped his arms around his thin, rigid frame and nodded stiffly. She could tell he wanted to ask something, so she waited. It had not taken her long to learn his tells. After a moment he let out a ragged breath and relaxed enough to unwind his arms and scratch his head, further disheveling his dark blond hair. 

He needs a haircut, Meg thought to herself.

“Are Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln good?” His face was scrunched in concentration. “I mean, you have been here a long time…”

Meg made an effort to soften her features, smoothing her smirk to a smile, and uncrossing her arms. This was as important to him as it had been to her. But unlike him, she had to figure it out all on her own.

“Alfie, yes, I have been here a while, about nine months and Ed and Tamera have been good to me. Lord knows I don't know why. I was a bitch when I got here, and still am!” Meg let out a laugh at her depreciating comment. She knew what kind of person she was. 

Alfie smiled and then frowned. He flopped down on his bed and pulled his knees up to his chest. “But Cas has been here forever and is so, so…” He waved his hand as if trying to grab the right word out of the air.

Meg rolled her eyes, stepped over to his desk, and sat down on his chair. “Listen to me. Don't judge the Lincolns by Cas. He was already here when I got here. At first, I was thinking maybe he is just shy or standoffish, but then I got to know him. Well, not really, I don’t know shit about him. It just scared me how he acted. I mean, who were these weirdos that raised a freak like Cas? What kind of people were Ed and Tamera? Seriously, I thought they were either the strictest, religious nut jobs or closeted psychopaths. Thinking about it damn near scared me to death. I mean, these could be the worst fuckers yet. However, I learned that Cas is different, like the complete opposite of them, so you can’t go by him. I don’t know what issues the dude has, but I don’t think it’s anything the Lincolns did. So relax, and when you're ready, go talk to them. They told me they would wait for you.”

“Okay, Meg,” Alfie responded, releasing his legs and unfolding. 

Meg smiled again as she got up to leave. At the door, she turned back to him and said, “You can go ahead and shower. I’m done and Cas is not in yet.” 

Alfie stood and was gathering his night clothes. He nodded and gave her a tired smile. He had a lot to process. This was an improvement, one she was careful not to point to out. Every other night he would have just nodded and shut the door. She smiled at the boy, thirteen years old, and all arms and legs. He was slowly relaxing. If he’d been through half the experiences she had… Meg gave a shudder and shook her head to rid herself of the oncoming memories she did not want to relive. He was lucky this was his first foster home.

Meg headed downstairs to bid the Lincolns good night when she smelled smoke. Cas rounded the corner, looking up he hesitated on the landing but continued, his head down. 

"Hello, Meg," he grumbled.

“You stink.” She scrunched up her face, waving her hand in front of her nose. She was never one to pass up a barb.

“Thank you, Meg.” Cas nodded to her without a glance. 

His monotone speech rubbed her the wrong way, too. She was sure he had been born a robot. Meg rolled her eyes and went to the living room. She spotted Ed, a balding man of fifty-eight, six-foot-two with a mostly athletic build, in his recliner by the big picture window.

“Hey, Alfie’s in the shower, so he’ll be in bed soon.” She accepted the role of go-between for the time being. “So goodnight.”

“Thank you, Megan,” Ed said, giving her a wide smile. “Have a good night and good luck on your test tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Ed, and it's just Meg.” She had to correct him nearly every day. She was beginning to think he was yanking her chain.

“Oh, that’s right,” he chuckled, hitting his head with a mock reprimand. “I’ll get it right one day.”

“Ed, I swear.” Tamera gave her husband a stern but playful look as she walked into the room from the kitchen. She patted Meg on the shoulder on her way to her recliner beside Ed’s. “He thinks he is so funny. Sweet dreams.”

“Exactly.” Meg rolled her eyes. “Anyway, see you tomorrow.” She waved and turned to leave. Ed’s question stopped her just past the doorway. It just occurred to her that she didn't register the pat on the shoulder from Tamera. Shit, I am getting too soft.

“Just a moment, did Cas come in?”

Meg leaned back in and pointed upstairs. “Yeah, I met him going up right before I came in here.”

“Thank you. I need to talk to him about his behavior lately.” Ed’s face was creased with a concerned frown.

“Honey, didn't you have a talk with him earlier?” Tamera gave him a look of concern.

Ed turned his gaze to her. “Yes, Hun, but that was about his history test and his grades. Haven't you noticed that he has not been doing his share of the chores?”

Tamera thought for a moment. “Now that you mention it. I know he has had a lot of homework and tests lately, but that is no excuse. We need to remind him that we all do our part in this family.”

Ed nodded and turned back to Meg. “Meg, could you let him know we need to talk?”

Finally. Meg thought with an internal sigh of relief. “Sure, Ed.”

Meg gave a final wave and headed back upstairs. She knocked on Alfie’s door to make sure he was not sneaking a read. She spun around when the bathroom door opened. Alfie was as shocked as she was, but recovered quickly.

“I'm done.” He shuffled from foot to foot.

“That was a fast shower,” she said, trying to save face. She had forgotten he went to do that right before she went downstairs.

“I don't take long. Dad gets mad… I was going to bed, honest.” Alfie was such an eager child, always wanting to please. He ducked his head and slipped past her to his room. When he did not immediately shut the door, Meg took the hint and stayed. Leaning against the door jam again, she waited for him to begin. He leaned in close. She bent down since he was being conspiratorial. She noticed how he twisted his fingers into his pajama top.

“I was thinking about telling Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln that I appreciate them taking me in and taking care of me.” His eyes darted around the room, finally landing on something behind Meg, his eyes wide as he took a step back.

She turned, blocking the door, and saw Cas going into the bathroom.

“Hey Cas,” she called out. She wasn't' being nice, she had to relay Ed's message. She watched as he stopped and slowly turned to face her. 

"Hello, Meg." His blue eyes pierced hers from under his long hair. He nodded behind her. "Hello, Alfie." His eyes went back to Meg.

Why is he always so fucking intense? 

“Ed and Tamera need to talk to you when you're done. They're downstairs.”

Cas' eyes flashed wide for a second and she thought he might have paled a bit, but she must have been mistaken. He just scowled at her.

“Thank you, Meg,” he said formally and turned around and went into the bathroom. 

She remembered Alfie turned back around. He was trembling in the middle of his room still staring at the bathroom door. She cleared her throat and gave him a real smile, leaning back on the doorframe. She knew better than to try to touch him. She had made the mistake of putting her hand on his shoulder once and the reaction was not fun. Also, she was not a hugger so no danger there.

“Alfie, I understand." Picking up the conversation where they had left it, she continued, "You want to trust because you want something good to happen. I don't trust easily, either. I’ve been placed in so many crappy homes where things were shitty and the people were bastards.” She raised her right hand when she noticed the tears appearing in his eyes and the slight tremble of his bottom lip. “That’s all I am going to say on the subject, so trust me. Ed and Tamera, they... They’ve never pushed or pried or touched me when I didn't want it. Give them a chance. When you are ready.”

Meg heard a loud thump come from the bathroom. She glanced over her shoulder and debated asking if Cas was okay, and tossed that thought aside. If he needed help, he could yell.

Alfie frowned at the bathroom door but calmed when he looked back at Meg.

“Thank you. I- I am just so… jumbled. Mom said no one cares about --”

“Shut up. Stop that. You’re here and you’re safe. We're all safe.” She didn’t know what his mother had said, but she had an idea and she really did not want to hear it.

Another thump from the bathroom caused them both to stare at the door. Alfie looked at Meg with questions on his face and tears that were about to fall forgotten. Meg looked back at him and shrugged. Despite his fear, he tilted his head to the door. Meg rolled her eyes and mouthed, ‘Fine.’ 

She took two steps to the door and pounded on it twice. “Hey, you okay in there?” She could hear muffled sounds but could not make out anything. She thought about picking the lock--it was a simple spring action--when Cas replied.

“I'm fine.” As always his tone held no inflection or animation of any kind. 

A moment later she could hear the shower running. Meg frowned but schooled her features when she turned back to Alfie.

“Is Cas always so -” Alfie asked.

“Pissy? Yes, generally.”

“I was going to say emotionless, but yeah. He scares me.” Alfie whispered that last part and looked nervous.

Meg smirked. “Don't worry, he won't do anything to you while I'm around. He won't do anything, period. What you see is what you get with him. Hell, he barely talks to me and I bet he has not said two words to you.”

Alfie’s frown deepened into confusion, and he nodded, “He says hello, greetings mostly. But I haven't really been the most talkative since I moved in.” He was staring at his sock-covered toes.

Meg bent down to catch his eye. “Don't. It's not your fault he's a dick. I swear that is the most animated I have seen him since I moved in. Now come on, get in bed, we have school tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Alfie looked up at her and smiled. “Goodnight, Meg.”

Meg went to her room. She was tired but needed to work on her journal her therapist had suggested. She struggled for a half an hour to get a couple of pages in before she decided she had to pee. She got up and opened her door to see a tired-looking Cas walking out of his bedroom directly across from hers.

He didn’t spare her a glance as he turned toward the spiral staircase leading to Ed and Tamera’s bedroom. They had converted their attic into a master bedroom to make more space when they became foster parents ten years ago. Half of it was their bedroom and the other half was still storage.

Maybe he’ll do his own work from now on. Meg heaved a sigh and went to the bathroom. Later that night something woke Meg. She thought it was a scream but when she strained to listen nothing else came to her ears. She got up and checked on Alfie. He had nightmares and she wanted to be sure he was okay. She had to cover him back up because, like the many nights before, he had kicked off his covers, otherwise, he was sleeping peacefully. She went and peed, and as she was going back to bed she thought she heard a cry. She looked to Cas’ closed door. 

If he was crying, then he was human.

She crept over to his room and pressed her ear to the door, listening hard. Nothing. She shrugged and went back to bed.


	2. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Tamera announce the arrival of two brothers and the need to rearrange the bedrooms. The kids have some words to say about it. Meg is pissed, Alfie is scared, and Cas makes a suggestion.

The weather was cooling, bringing a chill to the air. School was in full swing and the kids had gotten to know one another better. Well, some more than others. October not only brought colder weather but an announcement. Sitting around the dinner table one night, Ed and Tamera told Meg, Alfie, and Cas that they were going to get two more foster brothers. 

“I know things are a little crowded here, but there is a need to place these two boys, Dean and Sam Winchester, in a good home before the holidays and, if we do some creative rearranging, we can accommodate.” Ed was smiling his brightest smile from the head of the table. Next to him, Tamera held his left hand and beamed expectantly at the kids around the table.

Meg could tell they were thrilled, but it shot a streak of anxiety straight through her. She looked at Alfie, who was sitting to her right, and found, to her surprise, he was smiling. It was a genuine expression, not one of those ‘I'm happy because you tell me to be happy’ looks. Alfie caught her eye and gave a nod at her questioning frown.

She cast only a glance at Cas who sat across the table from her. He was sitting there to the left of Tamera like a stone, back straight, his hands in his lap, staring blankly at the Lincolns. Meg tried to read him. She didn’t know why she even bothered. He was as much of a stranger now as he had been when she’d first arrived. 

“What do you mean ‘creative rearranging’?” Meg asked as she turned to Ed. She squinted at him and Tamera directly across from her with suspicion.

Ed chuckled. “I am glad you asked, Megan. You kids are going to be moving rooms. Well, Alfie and Cas are.” He had an apologetic look on his face. 

Meg frowned at them. Her stomach soured at the implications.  _ What were they… _

“The brothers will be moving into Cas’ bedroom,” Ed began. “So, Cas will be moving into Alfie’s room since it’s smaller.”

Meg flinched when Alfie clutched her leg. She took his hand and looked over at him with concern. He was okay with physical contact now, as long as he initiated it. Alfie looked at her with fear in his wide sky blue eyes. He was still quite frightened of Cas.

Ed raised a finger for them to listen for a moment. “Alfie, you are going to move in with Megan.”

“It's Meg, and I don’t want to bunk with anybody.” She was furious. She hated the idea of sacrificing her privacy. They would have to pry it from her cold dead fingers. She turned to Alfie with apologetic eyes. “No offense,” she went on, turning back to her foster parents, “but why?” Her heart was beating ninety-to-nothing and it was all she could do to keep her breathing under control and her hands from shaking. It had not escaped her attention that Alfie had pulled away from her.

Tamera raised her hands in a placating manner. “Our reasoning is that Cas’ room was the former master bedroom thus bigger and the brothers will have the space they need. Meg, your room is the next largest, so you and Alfie will have plenty of space. Alfie’s is the smallest, so it will be fine for Cas.” She nodded to Cas, but he looked down, focusing his hands in his lap. Tamera was about to say something else when Meg cut her off.

“Why can’t I move into Alfie’s room and the boys move in together? Or maybe another room, like the  _ basement _ . We can make that into a bedroom.” Meg could not believe this. Again, Cas got the preferential treatment.

Ed nodded sympathetically at Meg as if he understood the reasons for her protest. 

“Meg, I know you are a fifteen-year-old girl who needs her privacy, but there is nothing that can be done. The basement is a much bigger project than we can tackle at this time. Now we can talk about that at a later date. In the meantime, since Alfie gets along with you better than anyone, he will be moving in with you. Cas is the oldest, so he gets his own room.”

“What the hell?” Meg said, her anger flashing in her eyes. “He’s older by one year!”

“Meg, language,” Tamera reprimanded. “And it's fifteen months, remember he turned seventeen last month,” 

“Sorry, ma’am.” Meg had the decency to use the honorific. She crossed her arms in protest and turned an angry face to the older boy. His blank expression angered her even more.  _ Was he smug? The stupid fucker, I’ll wipe that --  _ He surprised her by turning and speaking up.

“I do not mind sharing, sir. Ma’am.” His monotone and blank face gave away none of his thoughts. He was always such a stone.

Tamera looked shocked, but Ed was unfazed. 

“Cas, son, are you sure? Let's discuss this in private this evening.”

Tamera spoke up, “I agree. We will call your therapist and have a meeting. We do have until the end of the week to get things situated. The brothers will not be arriving until Thursday after next.”

Meg went from blind anger to upset and curious.  _ What was Cas’ damage? What’s the big secret? It's not like I am hiding the fact I have issues. _ She glanced at Alfie.  _ Shit, damn it. _ She had to talk to Alfie before bed. She could see she hurt his feelings. But, damn it, she didn’t want to have a roommate, let alone a boy even if he was a sweet kid.

For the first time since she's known him, Meg looked at Cas a little bit differently. But only a little. Maybe he wasn't the biggest dick she ever met. Maybe he was human after all. At the moment, he was mechanically eating the food on his plate. Did she detect a tremor? She knew several drugs caused side effects like that. Meg hadn't given much thought to him having any sort of illness that needed to be treated. But then again, who was in the system who didn't have a touch of some mental issues? She never saw him take any medication, on the other hand, she didn’t flaunt the fact she was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds either. However, it was also no secret she was on meds and was seeing a therapist. Oh well. If she would get to keep her single room, she did not care.

After dinner, Ed and Tamera went up to the attic to talk while the kids did their chores. Cas even washed the dishes like he was supposed to. Later, as the kids were on their way up to their respective bedrooms, Ed called for Cas to join him and Tamera in the attic. 

When Meg finished her homework, she sighed then made her way to Alfie’s room. She could not put it off any longer. 

“Hey, Alfie,” Meg knocked lightly on his door. She waited for a response. She had to strain to hear the quiet ‘enter.’ When she opened the door, she found Alfie already in his pajamas and sitting on his bed looking lost. 

Her stomach soured, shooting a dull ache through her and made her want to run. She hated seeing him like this.  _ Why did it matter so much?  _ He was just some random kid she barely knew. And yet, he was incredibly nice and he looked to her for guidance. Like a protector. Like a sister. She nearly gasped when the revelation hit her. She closed her eyes and she sucked in a shaky breath. She hoped was not too obvious. She let out the air slowly, and she forced her feet to move. She’d done this, so now she had to fix it.  _ Damn it.  _ She sighed inwardly.

“I'm sorry I sounded so damn hateful at supper,” Meg began, her trepidation building. Why was this always so damned hard?  _ Because you actually care what he thinks of you, dumbass _ . She tried to look him in the eyes because her therapist told her that was the way to get people to believe her. She thought it was bullshit. She sighed and pushed on before she quit. “I was blindsided by the news. I want you to know I like you and if we have to, I wouldn’t mind sharing a room with you. I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just shocked. And I kinda just reacted, ya know?” She threw in a crooked smile, hoping it was enough.

Alfie nodded, but he kept his eyes trained on his hands in his lap. “I understand.”

“I don't think you do,” Meg continued. “Look at me. Do you see my face? This face may be attached to a bitch, but it's one that would never lie to you.”

They heard a soft thump and something akin to scratching or dragging. They both looked up at the ceiling and frowned.

“I hate rats,” Alfie said.

“Not my favorite either, kiddo.”

“Thank you, Meg.” He looked back down at his hands again, twisting his fingers into knots. “I understand, I do. I don't really want to be stuck in a room with a girl because sometimes things happen and… it's embarrassing.” He looked at the wall opposite Meg.

Meg gave a tension-ending chuckle. She winked at him. “I know that feeling.”

Alfie was blushing when he glanced at her with a smile. His expression slowly morphed into fear. “Cas scares me. Sometimes he looks at me the way my d-dad did when he was… b-beating me.” His lips were trembling, his eyes, rimmed in red, filled with tears. He was shaking so hard as he clutched his legs to his chest.

Meg reached out but stopped herself before she touched him. Instead, she sat on his desk chair by the bed and said, “I get it. Shit, sometimes he reminds me of some-not-so-nice people, too. After what the Lincolns said, I think he’s on something that's fucking with his brain. The one I take at night makes me spacey and I am glad I can sleep it off. So maybe we should try to talk to him? I know what I said before,” she raised her hands to stop Alfie from saying what she knew he was going to say. “Shut up. I am trying here. My therapist said to do stuff out of my comfort zone-- gah! I can't believe I am quoting Dr. Garth! I don't want to be near Cas any more than you do. I mean, the guy is an ass who acts like we don't exist but, maybe he is an ass on meds? And maybe we can convince him to stop smoking because he stinks." 

They both laughed at that. Things were back to normal between the two of them. Alfie snuggled down and Meg bid him goodnight. She frowned again at the series of light bumps and scrapes from above her head. She had to tell the Lincolns. No way was she going to live with damn rats.

At the breakfast table the next morning, Alfie chatted away about the art project he did not get to talk about the night before. Meg wanted some coffee, but they wouldn't let her have any because they said she was too young.  _ It will stunt your growth. _ She was fifteen and five foot two. She doubted she would grow any more. Meg cut into the french toast and debated getting another slice of bacon.

Ed was packing his lunch on the counter when Cas finally came downstairs. He was usually the last one to join; not a morning person. Meg noticed his normal scowl seemed to be tinted with something else, his clothes were not pristine, and his hair looked jacked. Also, she noticed he limped a little. He had had that look on a few other occasions, so Meg disregarded it.

“Oh, Tamera, Ed, Alfie and I heard rats or mice in the ceiling again,” Meg remembered.

“Yeah, scratching and like bouncing or running,” Alfie added through a mouthful of food.

“Don't talk with your mouth full, dear,” Tamera admonished with a smile as she set a plate of food down in front of Cas. 

“It sounded more like thumps, but yeah,” Meg added. In an attempt to bridge the gap, she turned to Cas and asked, “Did you hear anything, Cas?”

As Cas looked at her with wide eyes from under his long hair, he shook his head once then concentrated on his food. Meg frowned as she studied him. His hand was trembling.  _ Probably his meds.  _ She mentally shrugged.

Ed piped in, “I'll call the exterminator to check out the house. Won't do to have vermin chewing up the place, not to mention the poop.”

“Ed! Not at the breakfast table!” Tamera popped him with the dishrag she was using to wipe the countertops. “But yes, please do. If need be, I can come home to let them in if you can't be here.”

Ed worked at an accounting firm in town and Tamera was an RN at the local hospital. Both had long hours but both had the luxury of seniority and could be flexible with their time.

“Cas, dear, you have an appointment with Dr. Barnes this afternoon at four. I'll take you.”

“Thank you, ma’am, but I can walk.” Cas was talking to his plate now, though he just pushing his food around.

“I don't mind dear. I need to talk to her about your dosage on a couple of your prescriptions, anyway. You seem a bit on edge.” Tamera smiled sweetly at him. 

“Tha-ank you, ma’am.” He flicked his eyes up at her but kept his head down. 

In the meantime, Ed walked over and placed a hand on the back of Cas’ neck. 

“Now, come on, son. Finish your breakfast. You too,” Ed smiled at the other two at the table. “You all have good days and learn lots!”

“Yes, sir,” Cas replied as if on autopilot. Meg and Alfie were not so robotic.

“Okay, Ed.”

“Will do!”

Ed laughed, patted Cas on his shoulder, then he kissed his wife goodbye as he walked out the door. Tamera started shooing the kids out ten minutes later. Meg and Alfie grabbed their lunches and backpacks, while Cas cleared the table. He was rattling dishes so bad Meg thought he would break them.

“Bye Tamera. Come on, Meg!” Alfie said as he rushed out the door. Meg waved him on. She knelt down to tie her shoe.

Tamera waved and smiled at Alfie and looked to Cas with concern. “Cas, dear, have you taken your meds this morning? You've hardly touched your food and you're trembling.” She put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his back. 

“No, ma’am, I think I forgot, I have a test...” Cas’ voice was lower, nearly a whisper. His eyes darted from the dishes to Tamera.

“Tamera, we're going to go on ahead,” Meg said walking out the door. She saw Tamera was steering Cas upstairs.  __

“Okay, sweetie. I'm sorry, Meg. Be careful. I may have to drive Cas in.”

Meg shrugged then went out to where Alfie was waiting for her.

“Cas looked funny today.” Alfie was fiddling with the straps of his backpack.

Meg nodded as she glanced back at the house. “Meds are a funny thing. Get the wrong ratios and they will screw up your shit. You take yours?”

Alfie gave her a look at said ‘are you kidding me.’ Meg chuckled and said, “Dumb question, huh?” 

Cas shouldn't be an idiot, if he had been on his as long as she had been on her’s, he should know better.

They talked about if Alfie had to bunk with her and what the rules would be. 

“Never touch my stuff,” she stated. 

“But what if I have to room with Cas?” Despite their good humor that morning, the thought seemed to be weighing heavy on Alfie’s mind. “What if he  is like my dad?”

Meg smirked and gave him a wink. “Then I'll kick his ass!”

They laughed and hurried off to school. Nothing was determined but they felt better about the upcoming changes.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean join the Lincoln family. Dean helps out with Alfie. Sam wants to make friends. Dean and Cas have a confrontation. Cas has issues with his medication. The Lincolns get good news.

The Winchesters moved in a day early, but the household had been prepared. Meg and Alfie were now sharing with the help of room dividers, Cas was now in Alfie’s old room, and the brothers had Cas’s old room. There was another heated discussion over the arrangements, Meg was still pissed. Tamera and Ed had a family meeting to discuss Cas’s condition. 

"We called all together to clear the air, as it were." Ed was standing in front of the TV with Tamera. "As we have said before the bedrooms will be rearranged to accommodate our new arrivals."

Meg sat on the couch with her arms crossed with a scowl on her face to rival Cas'. She glared across the room sitting on a kitchen room chair by the archway. His back was straight, as always, his hands were neatly folded in his lap, and his eyes were… She blinked. His eyes were unfocused, nearly vacant. 

"We have discussed the matter with Cas and he has given his consent to tell you about his conditions." Ed looked from Cas to them.

Meg felt Alfie scoot closer to her on the couch. He was staring at their foster parents with rapt interest, yet had a hold of her arm. She smiled inwardly at the security she could give him. She looked at Cas again, he looked spacey rather than his normal scowl. 

"He has several disorders and issues. Disassociative Disorder, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, parasomnia-specifically non-rapid eye movement stages-sleeptalking, and schizophrenia. Those are a few of his conditions. However, as scary as those sound, he is in therapy and on medications to take care of these issues. That being said, it is in the best interest of you kids, Cas included, that he remains in a single room at night." Ed looked so concerned.

"You two probably don't know, but he has to keep his door locked." Tamera went over to Cas and stroked his hair.

Meg narrowed her eyes and thought she saw him flinch and his hands tighten their grip, before relaxing. It was vague and confusing, but it would seem to do more harm to young Alfie, who had sleeping issues anyway to be near Cas.    
  
"If he is so screwed, why is he not in an asylum?" Meg blurted before she could stop herself.

Tamara had a surprised and hurt look on her face. "Dear, everyone deserves a safe and friendly environment to grow up in. Everyone deserves a chance at a normal life. As long as Cas, here." She squeezed his shoulders. "As long as he takes his medications and goes to his therapy, everything will be fine. We have had such good luck these last four years with him." She looks down at him. "Haven't we, dear?"

Cas did not move. "I am very lucky to be here with you, ma'am, sir. I am thankful for my place in this family."

Ed had walked over to them and placed his hand on Cas' shoulder. "I hope things will be better now that we have shared." He smiled at Meg and Alfie. "I do not expect you two speak of your medical histories. We," he said, smiling down at Cas, "wanted you to know the struggles Cas here has to deal with."

"I struggle every day to keep being good, but I am grateful for my treatment at the hands of you, sir, and you, ma'am." Cas looked up stiffly to them as he spoke.

_ Could he talk any weirder? _

Meg nodded. "Okay, I understand. Sucks you are dealing with so much, but we all have our demons." She saw his hands and his knuckles were white. She frowned slightly but wrote it off as nerves, though he had never shown any before.

"We ask that you two be understanding and let us know if Cas acts out of character." Ed smiled like everything was right in the world.

After their meeting, Meg acquiesced, reluctantly, but was fine with it after she got to pick out some cool screens. She tried not to interact with Cas because she was still mad at him and he was acting especially weird. He moved slow and seemed to be not only more of a dick but a bit stoned.

The Winchester brothers settled in easy enough. They were guarded and suspicious but were mostly okay. The older Winchester, Dean, was sixteen and had a chip on his shoulder like a boulder, but was sweet with Alfie. Meg went all mama bear protective when she thought Dean was going to hurt him. She found out that Dean was big brother protective of Sammy. Extremely. Over the following weeks that protection extended to Alfie when he had rushed in to help during one of Alfie’s more violent nightmares.

"It's okay, Alfie, you are safe," Meg said, not touching the thrashing boy. She had dealt with bad nightmares before but this was ten times worse. She stood when her door was opened. "What the hell-- No! Don't touch--"

Dean came barging in heading straight for Alfie. He gathered him up, trapping Alfie's arms at his sides, and held him close.

"Don't touch him!" Meg warned again but was shocked at what was happening in front of her.

Dean was murmuring something into his ear, rocking him in a tight grip, not letting go as Alfie thrashed and twisted. Alfie screamed and cried, whimpered and sobbed. Slowly Alfie calmed down in Dean's arms. Dean carefully laid him down, stroking his hair, and smoothing out his covers.

"How did you do that?" Meg asked in a whisper, wide-eyed.

"Sammy has those kinds of night terrors." Dean stood watching the boy, scratching his head. He yawned before continuing, "He hates to be touched too, but I had to do something, and that worked." Dean looked fondly at the sleeping boy.

"Thanks," said Meg, "Normally I can talk him out of it, but this was bad."

"Change can trigger these things." Dean nodded tiredly in understanding. "Night."

After he left, Meg had a new appreciation of Dean as a big brother.

Meg and Dean had an adversarial relationship. He would snark and she would be sarcastic. It had taken several encounters, and more than one talking to from the Lincolns, to work out a rhythm, but they did. Her and Sammy, it's Sam she was informed, she enjoyed baiting the brat. He was twelve going on thirty. He made friends like breathing. He and Alfie were thick as thieves once they got past the barriers. Sam was like a ray of sunshine she needed to block sometimes.

Despite her newfound insight into Cas' life, he acted like a stone-cold bitch every time they had to interact. She had warned the Winchesters that he was a dick and not to expect much from him. She also noticed the Lincolns had to have a lot of talks with Cas. He was upstairs almost every night.  _ Was he that unstable? _

After school one November evening she was sitting outside avoiding her homework. Thanksgiving was coming up in a week and the weather was cold. She loved this time of year. Watching a flock of geese flies overhead, she let the sounds of the afternoon lull her into a kind of doze. Never had she been so content and felt so safe. She had a warm bed, a roof overhead, clean clothes, a family that cared-

_ Family? I have a family? I  _ have _ a family. _

The thought hit her hard. She never thought she would have a real one. This one seemed good, except for Cas, it was almost perfect. Despite her misgivings and distrust, it was how she felt now. Deep down she searched her feelings, scrutinized her thoughts, and there they were. It was undeniable, she felt safe, welcomed, and wanted. Something had to be wrong. Something had to be…

A yell pulled her attention back to Earth. The younger boys were laughing and playing catch. She watched them for a while until they stopped and looked in the corner. Meg turned her head in the direction of their curiosity, Sam's curiosity. Alfie seemed to be trying to get him to continue their game. Per usual, Cas was out smoking in the far corner away from everyone. 

_ Shit. _

Meg got up to get them away while watching Cas quickly finish his cigarette. He also noticed the interest. Cas headed toward the house, giving them a wide berth. Unfortunately, Sam followed. She could hear Sam's voice asking questions.

"How come you get to smoke cigarettes? They are bad for you." Sam trailed closely behind Cas who was pointedly ignoring the boy. Alfie was behind Sam and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

"Hey," said Sam as he reached for Cas.

"Don't!" Meg and Alfie said a moment too late. Ed and Tamera had told them to avoid physical contact whenever possible.

Cas whirled around, backing away from the boys quickly. His eyes were wild for a moment, casting around, focusing on the house then back to the boys. His blank stare slammed down.

"Leave me alone, Sam."

Meg was not surprised at his dry delivery but was shocked at his actions and his shaking hands.

"Why won't you talk to me?" asked Sam, ignoring them. "Why are you so emotionless? Do you feel anything? Cas, talk to me."

"No," he said flatly.

“Alfie, Sammy! You two need to go in and get cleaned up, it's almost suppertime.” Meg caught the younger boys’ attention to get them away from Cas.

"I am trying to be nice--" said Sam but was cut off.

"Be nice somewhere else," said Cas in his monotone. His body language changed from caged animal to relaxed like he couldn't care less, but it looked forced. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, his hands more steady, got out one of those vile sticks, and lit up. He was avoiding looking at Sam but blew smoke in his direction. He started walking back to the corner of the yard.

Meg grabbed Alfie's hand and pulled him back. "Sam--"

"You don't have to be so mean." Sam was persistently following him. "We live together, I just want to get to know you."

"Sam, leave him alone," Meg said sternly. She could see Cas was looking around, eyes darting, hands fidgeting, walking quickly. He was uncomfortable, agitated. She didn't know what he would do. 

"Why? We all live together and I know practically nothing of him." Sam looked flustered. "I am trying to be a friend."

Cas stopped and turned to him. His scowl in place. He blew smoke in Sam's direction again. "I don't have friends."

Sam waved his hand in front of his face and leaned back, coughing.

Meg had not seen Cas be so rude to any of them, but then again, they hadn't perused a conversation with him like Sam. She jumped when the back door slammed.

"Sam!" Dean came barging out of the house with fire in his eyes. "Get over here now!"

Meg watched as Sam hurried to comply. He looked sheepish and very young. Alfie was clutching onto her hand painfully.

"What did I tell you about him?" Dean asked harshly, pointing to Cas who was walking away.

"Not to go around him." Sam looked at his feet.

"Exactly. Did he touch you?" Dean had his hands on Sam searching.

Sam jerked out of Dean's probing hands. "No, I'm fine. I just wanted to talk and he didn't."

"If you can't obey, go inside now," ordered Dean, pointing to the house.

"You're not the boss of me," Sam said, practically spitting the words. The fire in his eyes matched Dean's.

"Sam, Alfie needs help with supper." Meg looked at Sam with a pointed expression. Sam knew Alfie could be triggered by confrontations. She was glad recognition registered on his face. "I need to talk to Dean." She saw Sam's expression soften and he took Alfie's hand. Once they were inside, she went to the fuming Dean.

"What happened? What did that freak do to Sam?" Dean was staring daggers at Cas who was now in his corner of the yard.

Meg saw Cas staring blankly at them.  _ That guy is so creepy. _

"Sam was telling the truth. He approached Cas first and of course, Cas was rude to him." Meg looked at Dean and could tell things could get ugly. 

"That freak needs to stay away from my brother," said Dean staring back at Cas.

"To be honest, Cas was trying to stay away, Sam was the one follow..." said Meg as she watched Dean walk towards Cas and get right up in his face. "And you are not listening." 

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Freak?" Dean was poking Cas in the chest.

"Smoking," answered Cas flatly, taking a deep drag.

"You stay the fuck away from my brother. Fucking pervert." Dean looked like he would rip the guy's head off.

"Tell Sam." Cas blew smoke in Dean's face. 

"You piece of shit!" yelled Dean as he punched Cas in the face. 

Cas hit the back fence with a loud bang and Dean followed up with a vicious punch to his stomach. Cas fell to the ground coughing and wheezing. 

_ Oh shit. _

Meg knew things were tense between them, but thought they had come to some sort of an accord. When she was halfway over, Dean shouted.

“Stay the fuck away from us, you freak!” Dean turned, stomping his way to the house. 

Meg stood still not knowing what to do. She watched Dean shake his hand, spit, throw a glare over his shoulder before going inside. She blinked and turned back to Cas. He was sitting up where he landed, pulling out another cigarette as blood oozed out of his nose. 

_ Of course. _

Meg debated going and getting him a cloth to stop the bleeding but he didn't seem to mind. She watched while he smoked not bothering to wipe away the blood that was getting all over his mouth, chin, and hand. She heaved a sigh as she went inside, not wanting to deal. To be honest, it probably served Cas right for being such a dick all the time. 

Later at the table, the tension was thick, but the foster parents seemed oblivious. They chatted about the upcoming holiday, what needed to be done, what should be bought, and who would do each task. Soon the whole table was caught up in the planning. All except Mr. Broody who had cleaned up. 

“Oh, I nearly forgot,” Tamera beamed. “I got a letter from Michael. He said that he and his fiancé would like to stop by and that they were wanting to see if Gabriel would be here.”

Meg recognized the names of Ed and Tamera’s former foster sons. She remembered them telling her and Alfie about them, with photo albums, the whole nine yards. She did want to meet them but was apprehensive. Michael seemed a bit stuck up and Gabriel too much of a wild card. But she saw how Ed glowed at the news. She smiled and wondered if she and Alfie would hold a place in their home after they grew up.

“That's wonderful news! I've not talked to either in months. It'd be such a great gift.” Ed’s laugh was infectious. "I talked to Naomi yesterday, she and her husband are heading to Great Falls, but she promised to be here at Christmas."

Tamera beamed. "I got an email from Anna and Hael. They are making plans for this Christmas as well!"

Dean asked who they were and both Lincolns went back and forth telling about their kids. Every once in a while they would try to loop in Cas. 

_ That's right, _ Meg thought to herself,  _ he was here when they were.  _

Meg looked at Cas now and frowned. He was staring at his plate eating mechanically. 

_ What the fuck was his deal? Did they torment him? Treat him like the unwanted younger brother? Are they the reason Cas is such a dick? _ Meg's thoughts were running a mile a minute.

“Cas, dear, are you okay? You've barely touched your food.” Tamera was looking at him with a worried expression. Ed, too, seemed to be brought out of his glee. Cas looked up quickly and shook his head.

“I’m fine, ma’am. It's the new dosages, messing with my appetite. The meal was delicious.” Cas' tone was flat and his face as blank as ever. “May I be excused?”

Tamera looked at him and held his chin in her hand. "Cas, what happened to your nose? It's swollen and red. It's bruising!"

"I fell. I'm fine." He tried to turn his head away. 

Meg stared at him and looked at Dean. He had a look of shock which probably mirrored her own.  _ Why did he lie? _

"Are you sure?" Tamera fussed with him, lifting his chin, and stroking his hair.

Cas ducked his head as he stood. "Yes, ma'am."

"Put some ice on it, dear." Tamera and Ed exchanged looks.

“Thank you, ma'am.”

“I'll be up in a bit to check on you. I may have to call you doctor in the morning if your meds persist to upset you. How often has this happened?” Ed had taken out his phone and was doing something on it.

Cas looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a second before a blank look slammed down. He stopped with his plate in his hands on the way to the kitchen, standing ramrod straight as he spoke.

“For a few days now, sir. I did not want to alarm you.”

Tamera took a sharp intake of breath. “Not want to alarm… Dear, you should have told us right away.” She was now by his side, with one arm around his waist and her other hand rested on his chest. Cas looked as stiff as always. “Now tell the truth, how long and have you been drinking your water?” her voice was stern, but laced with concern.

Cas looked up at her, not so much up as he was several inches taller than her five foot six inches, and replied monotone as usual.

“Three days, ma’am. And, yes, I have been drinking my water as instructed, ma’am.” 

It rubbed Meg the wrong way how he was always with the ma’ams and sirs.  _ There was no warmth, so formal. Why not Ed and Tamera? _ She thought she saw hurt in Tamera’s eyes.

“Oh dear, I will bring you some ginger tea. Ed, make the call in the morning, we have to get him in to see Dr. Barnes. Okay mister, up to bed. I'll take these.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

Tamera patted him on the back as he turned, taking the plate from him. Cas did a weird shoulder shrug as he left.

Meg was concerned but only in passing. No way he was going to ruin this upcoming holiday. She had never had a real Thanksgiving and wanted to experience it to the fullest. She knew she was setting herself up for heartache and pain, but fuck it, this one time she wanted to try.


	4. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decorating for Thanksgiving. Meg remembers finding Cas after he has an episode the week before. Cas is in the hospital. The kids learn more about his condition while he recovers.

When Meg and Dean got back from the store, Alfie and Sammy had finished decorating the front porch. The pumpkins and straw were scattered as if the boys just threw the stuff, but they looked so proud, neither older teen said anything. They unloaded the car and put everything away. Meg was still not one hundred percent after what happened, so she took things slowly as her therapist said. What she wanted to do was bash someone’s brains in and stomp around and scream obscenities.

Meg was the one to find Cas last week. She had been tasked to get the dick to do his chores. She was not about to let him get away, yet again, with brooding in his room. She assumed he was in his room. No one was home when they got there and since they had a hard and fast rule about entering a room that was not theirs, no one snooped. So the younger boys went out back to play while Dean got out some chicken for supper. It was not too much longer than their foster parents arrived home. They told the kids that Cas wanted to walk to and from his session, though concerned, they allowed it, noting that he should be home within the hour. An hour later Ed, full of worry and at the insistence of Tamera, called Cas. Alfie was the one to hear the ringing, an old fashioned telephone ring, upstairs while he was doing his homework in his room. 

Meg knocked and called out to Cas, there was no answer save for a weird high pitched whine. She decided rule or no rule, she was not going to be ignored. She opened the door as she spoke. 

“Cas, it's your turn to set the ta-” A blast of cold hit her and stole her voice. “Why is it so fucking cold in here? Did you op-” 

She was struck dumb at the sight of the room illuminated by the light from the hall. It was a disaster. Everything was smashed and on the floor. She stood there for what felt like forever staring at the broken things and ripped clothes until she saw movement. There was something in the corner, wild eyes stared at her. She squinted and could make out a person huddled in the corner by the closet with the broken door hanging by one hinge. 

“Cas are--” Meg started to ask.

He started screaming. That scream was something she would never forget. It was a primal, terror laden, begging, horrified scream of someone without hope. Something snapped inside her. What she was seeing and hearing was not reconciling with the person she knew as Cas. Meg was frozen yet frantically trying to run. No way this creature was that stoic boy she had been living with for months. This was something, someone else. Then she saw the blood covering his face, arms, hands, legs, and body. Blood was pouring from his eyes and mouth and long lacerations on his skin. His hands pulled at his hair, ripping hunks out. He scrabbled in the corner as if to get away, but there was nowhere to go. She could see from where she was the bloody streaks of scratching on the walls where he had tried to claw his way out.

But why just the corner? He could have left through the door. 

Meg yelled for the Lincolns as she spied at least a half a dozen prescription pill bottles scattered around. Something, one or more of his demons, had gotten to Cas and was killing him. She may not like the guy, but she did not want him dead. A burst of wind shocked her into moving, she flipped on the light, ripping another scream from Cas. She turned and ran on autopilot, she had to get away from the sound. Dean passed her on the stairs. He yelled some questions and she yelled something back but never stopped her forward motion. Time slowed down, people moved in bursts, almost like special effects. One moment by the door, the next right next to her. It was unnerving. 

“I'm fine,” she repeated over and over. Those screams echoing in her head. New screams joined them. Everything was surreal. Blue and red lights. Strangers running. Alfie crying. Sammy yelling. Dean staring, shaking her, talking to her. 

Why was he not making any sound? 

By the end of the night, the Lincolns had two kids in the hospital. Meg for observation because of her two hours of a near-comatose state, her hands over her ears crying about demons and Cas for having an episode. The next day Ed and Tamera decided they all needed to stay home. Late in the afternoon, after bringing Meg home, Ed gathered everyone around in the living room, while Tamera fixed them a snack.

“Meg, we're so glad you're okay," Ed said with a warm smile. "We were told that you shouldn't need any adjustments in your medication; however, I would recommend you tell your therapist.”

Meg smiled weakly. She was embarrassed that she let a little freak out knock her so off kelter. With a nod, Ed went on.

“I'm not going to attempt to explain what happened, but in a nutshell, the doctors think Cas had a psychotic break. We won't know what caused it but I can tell you it's the worst we have ever seen it. Thank you, dear.”

Tamera had come in and handed out muffins with hot tea. She sat next to Ed on the couch and continued where Ed left off.

“We knew that Cas had had a rough childhood. We got him when he was eleven and he was our third foster child. He was shy, prone to night terrors, anxiety, and panic attacks. As we explained to Meg and Alfie before you two got here, it has taken years of therapy and medication to get him to how he is today. It's not ideal, he doesn't have the most outgoing personality--”

“He’s a fucking robot,” Dean interjected.

Tamera and Ed frowned at the young man. Dean had the decency to apologize for his language.

“I know he's dry and stiff, but he's worked so hard." Tamera looked at Ed, squeezing his hand. "His self-control is all that keeps him together some days. His meds were all messed up, but we now have a new schedule. It's just…”

“Are you going to lock them up?” Alfie asked. Cas had stolen two of his, one of Meg's and one of Dean’s prescriptions. They were lucky to be able to get refills.

Ed nodded, “Yes, I have installed a lockbox in the bathroom upstairs and each if you will be given keys, with the exception of Cas. His medication will be kept up in our room with only myself and Tamera having keys to his safe.”

Tamera closed her eyes, tears leaked through showing her distress. Ed held her, arm wrapped around her waist.

“I missed the signs. I wasn't paying attention. I should have--” Tamera said through her tears.

“No, you mustn't talk that way," Ed said softly. "Dear, you know how hard it is to read Cas. He's not exactly an open book. We depend on him to tell us things. We've gotten where we depend on him for an awful lot. But we both fell down in talking to him. We were busy with our lives. You kids... I know you aren't our blood children and could leave any day, but while you are here... Well, Tamera and I love you like you're ours. That may sound strange, but we do. And it's killing us that we failed Cas.”

“But he's always such a dick,” Meg pointed out. “with the emotional range of a fucking rock.”

“Meg!”

“Am I wrong? I sure as hell can't read him. The most I know he's either awake or asleep, that’s what I get from him.”

“Yeah, he’s so cold and flat, man. It's like talking to the fence would be more stimulating.” Dean sighed, looking guilty. "I may have triggered him."

Tamera looked shocked. "What?"

"Last week, the day he said he fell? His nose?" Dean explained at the Lincolns' confused looks. "I don't know why he lied, but I am the one who caused that."

"Explain, Dean." Ed did not look happy.

Sam spoke up. "I was trying to talk with Cas. You know, get to know him since we all live together. Well, he was being all rude and--"

"And I," said Dean, "barged out there and accused Cas of hurting Sam, and I punched him in the face."

"Dean!" Tamera looked shocked and hurt.

"I'm sorry. He didn't really do anything wrong except blow smoke in Sam's face." Dean looked down at his hands. "I talked to my therapist about it. She said I should apologize."

"As you should, young man." Tamera calmed herself. "No one should ever respond to provocation with violence."

"Yes, ma'am. I am sorry. I just… what happened… I let my anger about my Dad cloud my judgment."

"As long as you recognize it, Dean," said Ed, "you can now begin to control it."

"My doc said the same thing." Dean gave weak smile.

“As for Cas, we will have to talk to him about his smoking. I know it's a bad habit, but his therapist said to give him one vice and then wean him off. And I am afraid we have been lax." Tamera looked down at her hands. She took a deep breath and looked up at the kids. "Back to the matter at hand. Cas is a member of this family and we're his parents, I know just foster parents, but it's our job to know what's going on.” Tamera’s grief was lifted just a bit, but the weight sagged her shoulders. Ed rubbed her on the back, trying to soothe her. "Bring your disagreements to us."

“You all are too young to understand now, but when you have kids it's a struggle to remember just what it is you are supposed to know." Ed looked at them each in turn. "That being said, we do understand what you are trying to convey. Cas is different, difficult to read, and like any teen, he's not apt to share, even though it's part of his therapy. There is something else you four should know." He took a deep breath before continuing. "In addition to everything he has had to endure in his life, the most recent, and by far the worst, was his foster sister, Hannah, a spirited girl whom we had with us for two years. They had grown quite close in the few months they were together. She committed suicide, hung herself in the kitchen, and he took it hard.”

Tamera put her hands to her mouth and gasped.

“Oh, how could we have forgotten? Ed, the anniversary was this week.”

Ed stared at her and hung his head.

“You're so right. It was the week of Thanksgiving.” He let out a sigh, gathering his thoughts before looking at the kids.

“It was the Tuesday before the holiday, after school, and Cas found her in the kitchen. We normally go to services for her and go to her gravesite. We schedule at least three sessions during this week for flashbacks or other occurrences. But with having you four, especially you two boys arriving so close to this holiday, and the prospect of having Michael and Gabriel in, it got lost. And Cas being the selfless young man he is, let it slip by unannounced.”

“No wonder he doesn't like to do his kitchen chores." Meg sat up straight, not liking the fact she was living in a house that had a dead person in it. "I wouldn't want to be in there if I found something like that. To tell the truth, going by his room gives me the willies. He was…” Meg shuttered and hugged herself. Normally she would have snarked, but today she needed support. She considered being nicer to him.

“I know honey, I may not totally understand but I can empathize.” Tamera was kneeling by Meg, rubbing her back. Meg looked up at her and gave a weak smile. 

“I guess that would screw with your head,” Dean interjected in between stuffing his mouth with a muffin.

“When's he coming home?” Alfie asked. He did not look reassured, in fact, he looked even more scared.

“Not for at least a week. He's on suicide watch and he has several wounds that are best taken care of at the hospital. I have asked to be assigned as one of his nurses.”

Tamera was crying again. Ed had brought her back over to the couch. Meg wanted to feel something other than annoyance and fear. She was annoyed Cas did this, though she kind of understood. She was afraid because those screams still echoed in her head, causing chills. They haunted her.

The next day Meg went to visit him out of guilt and curiosity. He looked so broken lying in the hospital bed. His eyes were glazed and he was not tracking with his eyes correctly. He looked between them most of the time. 

Meg leaned in close to Tamera. “Can I talk to him?”

Tamera smiled. “Yes, dear. Just keep it simple.”

Meg let the endearment slide because she was too damned scared at the moment. She took a step closer to the bed. “Hey, Cas.”

Cas’ eyes slowly traveled to her face. He tilted his head like she had seen him do on occasion. He blinked and answered.

“Hello, Meg.”

Meg frowned at his drugged speech. She was weirded out by the fact he could not keep his eyes on her. Before he stared with too much intensity that made her skin crawl. Now he did not even look like he was focusing on her. Drugs are weird stuff.

“How are you feeling?” she asked like an idiot. She didn't know exactly what she was going to talk about, but she had to get his screams out of her head. The nightmares were getting worse.

Cas blinked again, his eyes moving back to hers. He squinted and looked at Tamera. “I'm fine, ma’am.” His eyes never left Tamera.

Meg rolled her eyes at the boy and shrugged. He was not himself but he was no longer that feral animal she found a few days ago. 

“Okay. I'll see you at home.” She was done. 

“Why don't you wait outside in the waiting area while I finish up here?” Tamera’s voice was an oasis in the quiet turmoil of this visit.

Meg nodded and left. She did not have to wait long before Tamera came out and they went home.

Now, on the day before Thanksgiving, the house was bustling with activities getting ready for company and good food. The Lincolns offered to let anyone who wanted to visit Cas a ride, but no one else really wanted to go. No one was close to him. They had all come to the consensus that they did not like him but did not want him to die. He was scheduled to be home the Monday after the holiday so why bother.


	5. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas returns from the hospital. Meg and Dean study for mid-terms. Meg gets Cas to eat pizza.

Meg was so happy Thanksgiving was all she wished it would be. Well, that was an overstatement. She did enjoy herself and was glad to see Alfie and Sammy have a good time. Michael was as stiff as she thought but his fiancé, Rachel, seemed to soften him a bit. Gabriel on the other hand was a pistol. He had her and the rest of the family on their toes. What a riot. Not to say she had her run-ins where she wanted to bash his brains in, but for the most part, they got along. And it was so nice to see Ed and Tamera basking in the glow of a happy family. 

The rest of the semester at school was tough. There was the rush of the upcoming holidays and the cramming for midterm exams. Meg took every opportunity to study and at times, studied with Dean. They had a couple of classes together and were helping each other out. Sammy and Alfie also studied together. Sunday afternoons were spent in the living room with books spread all around, questions being tossed back and forth. Every once in a while Cas would wander in to get something out of the kitchen or to go outside. He was on academic leave until he was recovered. He had been like a ghost since he came back.

"Okay, I get he is recovering, but he is just uber creepy," Dean whispered to Meg.

"Yeah. That vacant stare makes my skin crawl. Makes me miss his scowl." Meg chuckled uneasily.

Cas had looked fragile and pale when the Lincolns brought him home. Meg watched as he looked right through the rest of the family like he was going through the motions. His room had been gutted. They all pitched in to help clean up. None of the medication was salvageable, having been ingested or crushed in his melee. Most of his stuff was hauled out and thrown away; there was nothing that was not broken or busted. Even his clothes were all torn up, ripped to shreds. Only three shoes were found, a right running shoe, a left black dress shoe, and a left black converse high top. In the end, Cas’s room held his mattress, his desk, and chair; Dean was able to fix the legs on both but the drawers of the desk had to be thrown out. New clothes hung in the closet without a door, the door was not replaced. The window was replaced and plexiglass was added to the inside frame so he could no longer open it or break it to cut himself.

The weekend after midterms found the family celebrating the kids two-week freedom with pizza and ice cream. They had a movie playing in the background while they talked about how hard their tests were and what grades they hoped to get. Meg was in the kitchen getting herself and Tamera a refill on soda when Cas came downstairs. He stopped in the doorway and looked at her with vacant eyes. The look and the memory of his screaming caused Meg to shiver. She felt sorry for him, a foreign feeling that she did not like. She frowned at herself.

“You want some pizza?” she asked, forcing politeness. The boy hardly ate much at all lately. She put a slice on a paper plate and handed it to him. He was so stiff and she ignored the slight tremor of his hands. His meds had been rough on him. 

Why should I care? 

Because he is human. 

Ha! Barely. 

His new clothes hung on him, the black long-sleeved tee and jeans were like he borrowed them from a much larger big brother. That was all he wore. Tamera explained he needed consistency and routine, hard and unwavering. So she got him five black long-sleeved tees and five pairs of black jeans along with black socks and underwear. He had an oversized, black trench coat for when he was outside and a pair of black, slip-on, canvas shoes. Every day he was the same. He ate with them, did chores with them, but he was not with them. His stony expression was now a stoned expression. 

Cas stared at the plate in his hands. Meg rolled her eyes and motioned for him to sit at the counter. Like Alfie, touching was off-limits.

“Sit, eat. You only drank juice at breakfast. Yeah, I saw,” Meg did not realize she was mother henning him. She didn't really care. She was just creeped out by his vacant stare, she told herself. “You’re getting too skinny.” 

Cas blinked at her, looked to the living room, and back to her. “I can’t...”

She actually wished he would scowl at her again. He seemed too much like a ticking time bomb and she was tired of it. 

“Yes, you can. You stick the food in your mouth, chew, and swallow. I am not going to leave you alone until you sit down and eat.” She crossed her arms and took a defensive stance. She nearly laughed at his confused look. 

"You shouldn't be near me," he whispered in his monotone. His hands were trembling so much he was about to lose his supper.

"Do you see me getting close?" she snapped. This was as close to a real conversation as they had ever had. She smirked when he finally stepped around her, further away than necessary, sat, and started to eat. 

“See? Is that so hard? The pizza is from Tony’s Famous.” She watched him stare holes into his plate as he ate. Pleased, she took Tamera’s drink to her and gave her a questioning look.

“Cas came down. I gave him a slice and got him to eat it.” Meg shrugged and sat down beside Alfie. She chuckled at Tamera’s expression of shock.

“Ghost made an appearance?” Dean laughed and shoved his brother.

“Stop it, Dean,” Sam protested with a frown, scooting away.

“Dean, please, show some compassion,” Tamera admonished. “Thank you, Meg, for getting him to eat something. I know his meds mess with his appetite. However, what did I tell you about-”

“I know, I kept my distance and so did he. He was just standing there like he was going to bolt back upstairs. So I handed him some food. He is sitting in there now. Don’t worry, I didn't get too close and he definitely wasn't,” Meg rolled her eyes but was secretly glad Tamera was worried about her. She watched the movie and stole glances back into the kitchen every once in a while to see if ‘Ghost,’ as Dean liked to call him, had moved.

When she went to get some ice cream, Cas was gone. She looked outside and there he was back at his old habit for the first time since he had been back. Smoking by the back fence, she watched Cas pace and what looked like he was talking. She wondered who he was talking to or if it was himself or if he realized he was talking at all. She would mention it to Tamera later. 

A few days later they were all helping at Angel Wings Mission. Meg, Alfie, And Sam were on the assembly line loading food into boxes. Dean and Ed were loading boxes into vehicles, while Tamera and Cas were passing out blankets. The work was hard but volunteers made the family feel at home. They appreciated the help. This was the main reason the Lincolns liked helping out.

“Time to switch,” Tamera said motioning for Cas to follow. Meg watched as she approached them. “Alfie, Sam, you go hand out blankets. Ed will continue to load boxes with Cas helping. Meg, do you mind staying with this? Dean and I will join you.”

Meg was fine where she was at and said so. She really did not want to have any contact with people. She noticed that Cas flinched when Tamera mentioned him by name. Maybe not. She did notice that he did seem more steady on his feet.


	6. New Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam joins the Lincolns and has run-ins with Meg, Dean, and Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kid who broke both his arms after jumping out of a swing was a true story but the name has been changed. He was a stupid boy of 14 at the time.

After the new year, they got a new arrival. Adam Mulligan was an emergency placement that the Lincolns welcomed with open arms, though they did have to hustle to make room. Since the basement was still a huge job that could not be tackled in the cold of winter, they cleared out a storage room at the end of the hall downstairs. It had just enough room for a twin bed, a dresser, and a chair.

Adam was twelve but acted as cocky and smug and full of himself. He played nice with Ed and Tamera but was a weasel. Meg had caught him sneaking into her room one day. A quick twist of his hand and he was whining onto the floor.

"What the hell, bitch!" His voice held anger his eyes couldn't back up.

"Call me that again," Meg said, pulling back on his fingers. It was amazing how a couple of little appendages could incapacitate a person.

"Alright, sorry. Let me go." Adam was using his fake little child voice.

Meg could see right through the tactic because she had used it many times before. This boy had been in the system for a while. If their roles were reversed, she would be doing the same thing, except she wouldn't have gotten caught.

"Not until you tell me exactly what you are doing." Meg kept her voice calm.

"I got los--"

"Try again." She twisted again and he let out a muffled scream.

"Fuck! I was going to search your room for money and shit. Now let me go." Adam was pissed.

"There is a strict policy in this house," she leaned over to get right in his ear. "No going into other people's rooms."

"Alright, I get it."

"I don't think you do." Meg shoved him away. He fell to his side cradling his hand.

"Shit, I won't do it again."

"Ever." Meg stood over him, glaring. "I was nice this time, but if I catch you even looking…" she left the threat open-ended.

"Dramatic much?" Adam slowly got to his feet.

Meg leaned on her door frame, arms crossed. "I won't even get into what Dean would have done if he'd caught you."

Adam rolls his eyes. "Whatever." He starts to go downstairs when Cas appears on the landing. 

Cas stands there staring, his scowl back. He melted out of his Ghost mode and back to himself shortly after school started back up a few weeks ago.

"Hello, Meg." His delivery was as dry as ever, but he wasn't looking at her. He was focused on Adam.

"Hey, creepy stalker. Kill anyone today?" Adam said with a forced sarcasm.

"Not yet, Adam," said Cas dryly.

Meg nearly busted a gut trying not I laugh. She had never seen Cas so, well he was exactly the same, but intimidating. Adam's eyes grew wide and he took a step back.

Cas blinked and went to the bathroom.

"Don't mess with him," Meg said, amused as Adam's fear shining through his cracks.

"He doesn't scare me." Adam lifted his chin, his bravado back, but fake as ever. The fine sheen of sweat gave away his fear.

"Your funeral." Meg shrugged and went into her room. She wrote in her stupid journal for a while. Looking out the window she saw Cas smoking in the back corner.

The months rocked on as time did. They went to school, had holidays and visitors, life smoothed out. Meg almost liked Adam and his little shit attitude. She got to witness Dean talking to him when he found him snooping in the coats. It wasn't like the confrontation with Cas. Dean knew Adam's type. He would squeal the first chance he got.

"Hey, Dean, what you know good?" Adam smiled nervously, stepping back from the coats.

"Adam, please tell me exactly what is so interesting in our coats and jackets?" asked Dean, his arms crossed, looking down at the boy.

"I was looking for my jacket, you know, to go out back with Sam and Alfie." Adam chuckled a little too loudly.

"Really? And that fact that mine is tan and yours is blue escaped your attention?" Dean took a step closer. "Or are you colorblind?"

"What?" Adam stepped back and raised his hands. "They are different. Maybe I am colorblind." He was failing to convince the older teen.

"Try again."

Cas walked past them at that moment, grabbed his trenchcoat, and headed out the back door.

Adam nearly jumped out of his skin.

Meg was watching the whole thing from the kitchen. She laughed out loud at Adam.

"Not scared at all," she said, sarcasm thick.

"Hey," Adam pointed at her, "he startled me, like a horror flick jump scare." Seeing his hands shaking, he balled them into fists and crossed his arms.

"Am I missing something?" Dean walked to the door and looked out the window.

"Adam's scared shitless of Cas." Meg smiled as she took a drink of her juice. 

"As he should be," Dean said as he turned, winking at Meg. He faced Adam. "You hear about that boy at school, what was his name?" He waved his hand like he was trying to remember. "Came to school with casts on both arms a month ago."

Meg knew of him and supplied the name. "Kenny McGinty."

"Yeah, Kenny. You know what happened, don't you?" Dean came close, leaning in conspiratorially. 

Adam scoffed. "He swung too high on the big swings and jumped. Broke both his arms when he landed. Stupid ass."

"That is the official story." Dean looked out the window and back at Adam. "Kenny was walking by and bumped into Cas. He glared at him, Kenny ran. Later that day, Cas broke both his arms for disturbing his space."

"He did not!" Adam looked behind Dean through the window.

"School covered it up because of his conditions," Meg added, she could see Cas pacing by the by corner going through his pockets. "The family was paid off."

"You are both lying." Adam narrowed his eyes at them.

"Are we?" Dean asked, looking at Adam. "You haven't done anything to him, have you?"

"N-no." Adam was backing up.

"Well, he did call him a stalker, a 'creepy stalker' in January," Meg smirked.

"I was just messing around." Adam looked ten times more scared.

"You said that to his face?" Dean asked in his best shocked-voice.

"I was just joking!" Adam exclaimed, his eyes round.

"Haven't you noticed, Cas doesn't joke? Or laugh? Or even smile?" Dean said, his face full of sorrow. "Dude, have you done anything else?"

"NO! I swear!" Adam was shaking now.

"Tell the truth, Cas is coming back inside and he does not look happy," Meg said. Cas was in fact walking back towards the house with a strange look on his face. "We might be able to help."

"Here!" Adam pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and dropped them on the counter. "There were just laying there."

"Where?" Meg asked, genuinely shocked now.

"You now know what he did to Kenny and that was for getting in his personal space," Dean dropped his voice. 

"In his coat pocket," Adam whispered, trembling.

"Shit, you better give them back. No, put them back where he can't see." Dean told him. "If Ed and Tamera find out you touched Cas' stuff and stole from him…"   
  


"I--"

Cas came in and barely glanced at them but stopped when he spotted his cigarettes. Meg detected a flash of some emotion but he slammed down his blank stare as he picked up the pack. He barely looked at Dean and Meg, who both stepped back. He leveled his gaze on Adam.

"Hello, Adam," said Cas flatly, pulling a cigarette from the pack. He turned and went outside before lighting up.

"Oh fuck! Do you think he knows?" Adam gasped.

"Did he speak to either Dean or me?" Meg asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Fuck!" Adam clutched his chest and ran upstairs. 

Dean and Meg laughed into their hands. That could not have gone more perfectly.

"Maybe that little shit will keep his sticky fingers to himself." Dean nodded to Meg, but she doubted it.


	7. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam snoops and finds something he should not.

Adam was a curious twelve-year-old child with impulse control issues. It was his nature and could not help himself when faced with the unknown. Tell him to say away, well that was just an open invitation. Every time he was caught, Adam would make a vow to stop. He tried, he really did, but the need to know got the better of him. For weeks he had barely contained himself, he wanted to be a good kid for Tamera and Ed. They were so nice, much nicer than any other foster family he had ever had. However, he had to know despite the threats from Meg and Dean and the fear of death from Cas. He shuddered.

Adam made sure the Lincolns were at work and it was at least an hour before the rest of the kids would be home. He ditched his last period class, PhysEd, no one would miss him. He ran home and was shocked to see Ed’s car in the driveway. Cursing his luck and wondering why Ed was home at this time of day, Adam was about to head back to school when he heard the door open. He ducked behind some bushes and watched as Ed and Tamera got in his car and left. This was his lucky day, today he would get up to the attic and see exactly what was making those noises. There was no way that was mice or rats, he knew those sounds.

Adam slipped inside and yelled a greeting to see if anyone else was at home. Standing still in the entryway, he heard nothing. Smiling to himself he took the opportunity to check out Ed’s office next to the living room. It was as boring as he thought, not the exciting man cave he hoped. Adam went through the four drawers in the desk and found exactly what an accountant would have. Nothing interesting, not even any client folders. The books on the shelves were boring accounting and tax books with the occasional fiction, of course, westerns. Adam rolled his eyes. Satisfied there was nothing of value, he made his way upstairs. 

Another rule to break, no going into other people's rooms. He giggled to himself as he went into Sam and Dean’s room first.  _ Not here to catch me this time, Fucktard. _ Dean had to have some good stuff. He saw posters on the walls of rock bands, science, history, and law books on the shelves. The beds were made and the closet was orderly. Nothing between the mattresses, not even one nudey magazine to be found. __

_ What was the deal? _

Adam was about to give up until he saw that Dean's dresser was askew. It was not by much, but given the precise nature of everything else, he had to look.

_ Jackpot! Oh… OH! _

Adam quickly put the porn magazines he found back and was careful to put the dresser exactly where it was. He never would have thought Dean would be into girls and guys. He shivered and left.

_ Can't keep me out this time, bitch. _

Meg and Alfie’s room was next because it was right across from the brothers’ room. Here things were different. He was expecting all kinds of girly things, i.e. lace panties and frilly bras, but he found a lot of black and grey. Meg had some makeup and some books that could be girly if you squinted. Their room was separated by a privacy screen, which now that he thought about it made sense. Alfie’s side had some cheap photography equipment and books about photography and albums full of pictures. That stuff held no interest. Adam went through all their drawers and things just like in the other rooms. 

“What is with these people? Where’s all your good stuff? Where's your dirt?” He stood with his hands on his hips in the middle of the room scowling. “Come on Meg, a diary, a journal?”

So far all he had was Dean’s bisexual interests and he was not about to use that bit of info. He knew what Dean would do to him. With a shiver, Adam shut the door.

He left and hesitated at Cas’s room. He could feel the guy staring at him. He shivered, but since nothing had come of him taking his cigarettes, Adam felt embolden.  _ Surely the oldest and weirdest would have some juicy stuff. _ He was shocked at the Spartan room and was pissed. All the freak had was a desk without drawers, a mattress on the floor, and the exact same clothes he wore every day in the closet. 

_ Why did he get such a large room? And have jack crap?  _

Adam got a converted supply closet, granted better than anything else he had, but damn. Well when Cas moves out after he graduates next month, this would be Adam’s room. In the meantime, he scowled, not even bothering looking around because there was nothing to look at. 

_ No wonder Cas is such a stony freak, he’s boring! _

Adam rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he mounted the spiral stairs. He entered the master bedroom as quietly as he dared, even though no one was at home. This was the motherload, well he hoped it would be. He saw a well lived-in bedroom with clothes, furniture, books, and various other items. Adam was giddy with excitement. He found photo albums containing former foster kids, older family members, and other strangers. He ruffled through their private papers. Ah ha, they had missed a payment back in ‘08. 

_ Ugh _ . _ Not even a dildo? Really? _ _ No one is this clean. _

Impatient Adam went to the storage room door. Locked. He searched for a key and there it was with the ton of costume jewelry on Tamera’s dresser. When he opened the door--expecting old toys, furniture, clothes, and papers--shocked him still. He could not believe his eyes. 

_ No fucking way! _

It was a BDSM paradise. Chains, whips, handcuffs, all kinds of dildos and sex toys Adam had no clue what they were called. Some he did not want to even imagine how they were used. They lined shelves or hung on walls. In the middle of the room was a chair decked out with restraints and looked like it was stained with… nope he was not going to speculate. There was a makeshift rack on the left side of the room and the other was a table fitted with similar cuffs like the chair.

_ Fuck yeah! Ed and Tamera get freaky! Mice and rats my ass! _

Adam was laughing as he walked around the room looking but not touching. He was smarter than that. He stood at the back wall wondering about the two yellow circles when he heard a sound. He looked behind him. There it was again. It sounded like heavy breathing.

“Who's there?” Adam slowly walked to the center of the room. He started on the left and was working his way around the room. When he got around the other side of the table the sight had him speechless for the second time. Bound by chains, kneeling on the floor in the corner was a person, head down, naked and bloody. His wrists were chained behind his bleeding back, and he was trying to curl-up on himself. His breathing was ragged like he was having a hard time or he was crying.

_ They have threesomes in their freakiness. _

“Hey, you okay?” Adam asked stupidly. He nearly hit himself on the forehead for that asinine question. All he got for an answer was a flinch and a wet cough. Adam’s gut twisted. 

He stepped closer, crouching down to the person on the floor. He knew a little about this stuff, the guy could be just recovering after a bit of fun…  _ No fucking way someone bleeds that much for fun.  _ Adam shook himself as he crept closer. He crouched down to see if he could help.

“Hey, are they coming back to let you out?”

That question caused more of a reaction. The guy jumped and slid sideways, trying to push himself into the corner more with his right shoulder. He looked towards Adam.

Adam gasped and stepped back. The guy's face was beaten bloody. His eyes were swollen shut, the whole left side of his face was bruised, both lips were swollen and split in multiple places, blood dripping from his open mouth. What was horrific was the metal bar that went in one cheek and out the other, like a bit for a horse. 

Adam stepped close again and tried to touch the guy, but that caused a violent flinch and a stifled scream. Though the dude hadn't said anything, his screams were deep and gruff. Adam's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. 

“Cas?”

Adam watched as the older teen collapsed in on himself once again, sobbing around the gag. He didn't know what to do. He backed away. This did not look consensual at all.

“I'll get help,” he whispered and ran downstairs. Adam had let time get away from him because the others were walking in the door when he got downstairs. Startled but relieved he ran to them.

“Where the hell were you? We waited.” Meg was pissed. The anger he saw on Dean's face mirrored hers. 

“Dude, what’s wrong with you? You look like you've seen a ghost.” Dean’s face softened just a touch.

Adam pointed up the stairs. He was panting and trying to get his brain to work. Flashes of blood caused him to gag. He could only gasp out one word.

“Cas.”

Meg frowned harder at the young teen. She crossed her arms, “You know you are not supposed to be alone w-”

Adam waved his hands urgently at her, “No, he needs help.”

“Has he had another episode?” Dean asked as he stepped closer. Adam shook his head. He was told all about Cas’s condition and what happened last Thanksgiving. 

“No, he, um, he's hurt bad, real bad.” Adam stared pointedly at Dean and Meg. “I can't explain, but trust me. Sam and Alfie should stay down here.”

"Ed and Tamera will be ho--"

"No!" Adam's eyes went wide. "They were here before me. I waited for them to leave."

"What were you doing?" Meg asked, her eyes narrow then open wide with accusation. "You were going through our rooms!"

"You fucking little shit," Dean lunged but Adam sidestepped.

"Stop! Damn it, yes, I went through your boring ass rooms. Please! You have to help him!" Adam screamed as he pointed upstairs. "Now!" 

Both Meg and Dean had twin looks of confusion and concern. 

"He's a dick and he scares me shitless, but please." Adam was begging now.

Dean blinked first and started upstairs, Meg was a beat behind. Adam rushed up, passed them, and continued to the spiral staircase.

“Up here,” Adam waved and took the steps two at a time. He barely heard the two behind him. He found Cas exactly where he left him.

***

“Oh my G-”

“What the H-”

“Shit!”

“What hap-”

They talked over themselves as Adam pointed to the corner. Meg heard the chains rattled on the floor as the person jumped and tried to get away.

"How do you know it's Cas?" Meg asked, not wanting to get close. When the person flinched at the name she tried again. "Cas?" 

When he flinched and whined she knew. She fell to her knees.

“Hey, Cas, it's Dean,” said Dean, his voice low as he stepped close. 

What he got was a frantic shake of Cas' head and him pushing himself into the wall away from him. He was slipping in his own blood.

“Cas, please calm down. We're not going to hurt you.” Meg was at a loss. Never had she ever seen anyone in this state before. The floor below Cas was slick with blood and other fluids.

“N-no! L-leaeth, hleeze,” Cas panted out, shaking his head.

Meg was horrified to see that he had a tongue ring that was trapped on the bar through his cheeks holding his tongue still. Blood oozed out of his mouth from his effort to talk. It dripped grotesquely onto the floor.

Dean approached, he was looking at the chains. He followed them over to the wall.

“There’s got to be a key.” He looked to Adam who was just staring. Dean frowned at the door. “You two were supposed to stay downstairs. Forget it. Alfie, help find keys. Sammy, call 911.”

"Cas, please, I can't understand you." Meg was not getting anywhere and Cas had started to cry. His body was just a mess of cuts and bruises. Dean looked at Meg with a silent question.

Meg shrugged helplessly. Cas was not letting her get close. 

“Ooo have ta leath," Cas sobbed.

Meg frowned, she did not know what he was saying. She wanted to remove the gag but did not want to hurt him more. She was startled out of her quandary by the sound of a camera.

“What the hell Alfie?” She rounded on him ready to rip that offending device from his hands.

Alfie stood his ground, though. “This needs to be documented for the police. He is underage and could not have consented to this. Even if he did, it's illegal. So we need to take pictures of him for the police.” He sounded so sure of himself, quite professional.

Meg stood by, impotent, hindered by her warring thoughts.  _ How the fuck is that Cas? _ Her brain could barely reconcile the person chained to the wall with the stoic boy who ghosted around the house. Flashes of memories cascaded behind her eyes.

_ Cas going to talk to Ed in his office. _

_ Cas having talks with Ed and Tamera up in their room. _

_ Cas looking unsteady the mornings after she heard the rats. _

_ Cas slipping out of any touch from Ed or Tamera. _

Meg gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth. She blinked hard, shaking her head to rid herself of the weird, undulating drone that was threatening to drown her. She scooted in as close as she dared.

"Cas, I'm sorry, it's going to be okay," she whispered, wincing at the flinch. What was she going to say? She watched as he struggled against his bonds. "They're looking for a key. We're gonna get you free."

"Up here!" 

Meg looked back to see Sam at the door. She frowned, wondering who he was talking to, and realized that drone was the sound of sirens. She scooted back when uninformed people rushed into the room. She was vaguely aware of someone pulling at her. She watched in gruesome fascination as Cas cried out in pain when the paramedics started to pull that metal bar out of his mouth. The cops were ushering her and the other kids out the door just as a man who looked like a fireman rushed in with huge bolt cutters. Downstairs Ed and Tamera were talking to the police. They were standing weird. Sound kept cutting in and out, her vision grew dark.

A few hours later, Meg found herself laying in a bed staring blankly at her foster brothers.  _ What happened? _ Her brain was trying to figure out why she was here. She did not remember hurting herself. She wanted to get up but couldn't move. She blinked and Cas' bleeding face filled her vision and she screamed.


	8. Aftershocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg and Dean talk afterwards.

Meg sat on the couch in Heavenly Angels Group Home staring blankly at the TV. She didn't care what was on, she didn't want to engage. She didn't want to talk to the current residents, all they wanted was gory details. The weeks that followed Cas being found and the Lincolns being arrested, the kids were hounded by the police, doctors, reporters, and all sorts of looky-loos. Everyone wanted to know what happened. 

"What was like living with pedophiles?"

"Did Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln take turns on with all the children?"

"Were you afraid, is that why no one came forward?"

"Did they beat you daily?"

"Did you know and participate in the coverup?"

Meg could not wrap her mind around it. Her world had finally become sort of normal. She thought everything was good and the Lincolns were genuinely caring. But no. She finds out that Ed and Tamera have been molesting and beating Cas for years. Years. 

Never once, as she told the police, the doctors, her shrink, and her court-appointed lawyer, did Ed or Tamera ever do or say anything inappropriate. Never once did Meg ever feel like she was ever taken advantage of. Ed was always fatherly and friendly in a parental way. The most he ever did was pat her on the back. Tamera was the best foster mom she had ever had. She had even accepted hugs from her on numerous occasions. They both respected her boundaries. Meg searched every inch of her memories, over and over again. She was not abused nor did she ever see any signs of abuse in the others. Ed and Tamera were patient and kind to all of them. So encouraging and supportive, Meg was even considering going to college.

Cas.

His face loomed in her mind. Meg inwardly cringed. He stood there in her memory, silent, stoic, and vacant. She saw him shrug off Tamera's touch. She watched as his hands shook when Ed came near. She saw the tremors that seemed to make him vibrate. Smoke rose and swirled, surrounding him...

"Meg."

She screamed and backed away from invading hands. She fell off the couch with a thump.

"Hey, it's just me, Dean. Calm down."

Meg blinked rapidly until her eyes focused on the boy. She shoved his offered hands away and got back up on the couch. Berating herself. She hadn't been this jumpy since before Ed and Tamera. Damn them.

"Shit, Dean, you could warn a body before sneaking up. Damn." Meg fused with her clothes not really caring but taking the time to compose herself. "Take lessons from Cas?"

"I called your name, like, five times. Dude, you were zoned." Dean chuckled humorlessly and sat down beside her. He stared at the TV for a bit and turned to her.

"I got a call from Alfie. He said 'Hey'."

Meg brightened and gave a warm smirk. "That little shit is going to be a great photojournalist one day. Hope they're treating him right."

Dean was nodding and said, "Yeah, he said the Angelos are nice and they even got him a second-hand telephone lens for his photography classes."

"Telephoto, you idiot." Meg knew Dean screwed up words on purpose. He liked to make people think he was stupid so he could show off later. She was not stupid, though she did correct him every time.

They lapsed into silence, the show on the TV ended and another started, ignored; each in their own head. Meg wondered if she should bring it up. Dean did not like to talk about things, but she was dying to talk to someone, and the court-appointed shrink was not it.

"You think he agreed, you know, like they said?" Meg threw out a line.

Dean kept staring ahead but grunted. Time stretched out, Meg nearly got up and left until he said, "I don't know. I mean, if he did, he was not old enough to legally consent."

Meg looked at Dean, who was now looking at her. They knew a few details, stuff they had witnessed and stuff they figured out during the course of their questioning.

"What I want to know is why? If he was thinking straight, why would he voluntarily have that stuff done to him?" His voice dropped to low tones as he talked like he did not want anyone to hear.

"I know you are not a fucking prude, but yeah, I get ya." Meg wondered the same thing night after night, especially after she learned that Cas agreed to his treatment. "Maybe we can ask him."

Dean scoffed. "Like they are going to let us see him."

"He's still at Mercy and no one said we couldn't." Meg shrugged.

"Anyway, you read Ed's statement, said Cas Lolita-ed him." Dean rolled his shoulders.

Meg laughed harshly. "Fuck that, Cas ain't that slick. Don't you remember him?"

Dean gave a humorless chuckle. "Yeah, a fucking two by four had more moves than that prick. Stupid asshole. Ya know, we had it good there. Sam finally felt safe and was letting himself be a kid. I wasn't having to look over my shoulder all day. I was actually sleeping through the night."

Meg nodded, knowing exactly what Dean was getting at, she felt the same way. "Yeah, I get it. Me, too. 'Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men and women?' "

Dean side-eyed her and shook his head. "Did you just quote… nevermind. We don't really know what Cas was like. We don't know what they did behind closed doors. That stoney facade may just have been that, a facade."

Meg stared at Dean. She shook her head. "Do you not remember what he looked like? The blood--"

"Yes! I fucking remember! Damn." Dean stood and started to pace. "I see it every damn night. Sam's nightmares have returned and they are not getting better. He has to have a damn night light! Shit." He ran his hands through his hair, stopped, and faced her. "Everything was good until Cas fucked it all up. Adam should have never snooped."

Meg sat not comprehending what he just said. Did he really accuse Cas of messing up their happy home?

"What the fuck, Dean? Are you serious? How can you fucking live with yourself? We found out that the only reason we had it good was because Cas was being raped and beaten every night."

Dean's face was hard. "Raped, yeah right. He was old enough to know what was happening. He could have run away. Shit. He liked it or he would have told someone."

"Are you hearing yourself?" Meg stood. "I bet you have never been in a situation where you are trapped without chains or bars." She gestured to the windows. "Never had to deal with someone with that kind of power over you that you feel helpless to leave." She was flailing her arms as if trying to shove what she was saying away from her. "Never been in a place where you are stuck because you are trying to make a better place for someone you care about." Ruby stood in stark relief in her mind, happy one day, and crushed the next. The look on Dean's face told her she was hitting home, but she crossed her arms and shook her head. "You don't get it."

"I fucking get it," Dean shot back. "I've taken some shit in my life to keep Sammy safe and got the scars to prove it. Don't talk to me about being stuck in a tough situation." Fire flashed in Dean's eyes. "Why on God's green earth did he allow it? What made Cas stay, huh? He ain't got no family. And you are trying to tell me he cared about us? Fuck that. Hell, we weren't even nice to the guy."

Meg was not backing down. "We weren't friends. He never talked to me or Alfie before you and Sam got there, let alone afterward. Hell, even the other fosters said he was the same with them."


	9. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg visits Cas in the hospital to get some answers.

Meg walked into Springfield Hospital carefully avoiding security. She headed towards room 636 and hoped that the cops would let her see him. She had asked on various occasions to visit, but had been denied, but not today. It had been over a month and Ed and Tamera were still in jail, no bond due to the high profile of the case.

She got off the elevator and turned left. Within a few steps, she turned and saw the cop sitting on a chair snoozing. Meg rolled her eyes and slipped past the man, easing the door shut. She stood inside the room staring at the motionless figure lying on the bed in the center of the room illuminated by a dim light over the head of the bed. If she didn't know any better she would have thought he was dead, he was so still.

Meg softly walked to the bed and wondered if she should have bothered. Cas' back was to her, laying on his right side. She watched as the sheet that covered him moved with his breathing which seemed regular and deep. She was about to leave when he spoke.

"Hello, Meg."

She yelped, nearly jumped out of her skin, and slapped her hands over her mouth. A quick look at the door confirmed she hadn't been loud enough to alert the guard. She stumbled a bit and composed herself. Cas moved a little but didn't roll over, and she knew why. She had to force her face to remain neutral as she walked around the bed.

"Hey, Cas." She tried not to stare, but his face was a war zone. The swelling had gone down but the bruises were spectacular: blacks, blues, yellows, greens, ran the whole spectrum it seemed. Ugly black stitches crisscrossed his face with four each in his upper and lower lips, seven over his right eyebrow, and six on each cheek where the Exacto knife had been shoved through. Meg nearly gagged.

Cas' brought his right hand up to his face to move the hair from his face. The three splints on his fingers hindered movement. His left arm was in a cast having had the radius broken.

"Don't," she said softly and turned to walk to the window he faced. She gruffly cleared her throat and said, "Let's get some light in here. I bet you have a great view." She shoved the curtains aside and frowned. "Of the parking lot."  _ Shit.  _ She turned and leaned on the sill. "Well, at least there is light."

Cas blinked and stared at her for a long while, making her want to crawl out of her skin. He always made her feel like she had ants all over her.  _ Creepy fucker. _ She fidgeted with the zipper of her jacket and decided to leave.  _ This was a mistake. _

"Thank you, Meg."

The words were rough and low, Meg almost didn't hear them at first. She stopped fidgeting and looked back at Cas. His blue eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, his expression as blank as ever.

"For what?" Her tone was accusatory, defensive.

"Coming." His voice cracked slightly as he looked away from her.

She recognized the move, he had done it so often she had assumed he was just rude. 

"Well, they wouldn't let us, ya know, the police, doctors, shrinks." Her voice trailed off as she saw Cas' eyes change. It was subtle, yet Meg registered concern.

"Is everyone okay?" Cas' voice broke again. He was trembling under his sheet.

Meg frowned, this was the most animated she had witnessed.  _ What the fuck? _

"Yeah, they split us up, but you know, we're foster kids, we survive." Meg shrugged.

"I am sorry." Cas covered his face with his hand.

"They had to, no one could hold us all, not like Ed and Tamera." She saw him stiffen at the names.  _ Real smooth, idiot _ . "Not your fault."

"I," Cas started, cleared his throat, and started again, "It is. I messed it up. I failed," he said, his voice shaky. 

Meg was so confused. "You failed what? School? Is that--"

Cas brought his hand down and stared Meg straight in the eye. "I failed my end of the bargain. It was my job to keep you safe."

Meg drug a chair over to sit by the bed. "What are you talking about? All us, we're fine. You were the one getting treated like crap. We never would have known if not for snooping Adam."

"Fine? Alfie isn't... hasn't been committed?" The fear in his voice was evident.

Meg sat back, not really knowing who she was talking to anymore, and waved off that ridiculous notion. "Alfie's living with this young couple, Naomi and Bart Angelo. They dote over him like he's their own. Buy him all kinds of camera shit."

Cas blinked, relief shown on his normally stony face. "Good." He closed his eyes for a moment before they flew open. "Dean and Sam, have they been separated?"

Meg was getting the feeling there was more than just physical abuse going on. She frowned and said, "No, they're with me at Heavenly Angels Group Home. As horrible as that sounds, it's not that bad. Adam even has a decent home over on Evergreen Terrace with the Flanders. Bible thumpers, but good."

Cas seemed to visibly deflate. He covered his face again and seemed to shake. 

"Hey, you okay? Should I call your doc?" Meg stood but was stopped by Cas uncovering his face.

"No, don't. I'm fine." Again he looked away from her.

Those words echoed through Meg's brain. How many times had she heard him say those exact words over the past months? She suspected not once was that statement ever true. She sat back down and waited.

"They told me," Cas got a faraway look in his eyes, distant, vacant. "Tamera told me I had made Alfie's trauma come back. She said… she said after I had... after… he was… was so… I had to be punished. I caused Dean to snap and Sam was… They were taking Sam.... I hurt her children and I have to be punished."

"Alfie's not hers. Neither are the Winchesters or me." Meg frowned.

"She and Ed thought of you like theirs. They were good parents to you. You were happy and safe." Cas nearly smiled.

"What the fuck? 'Good parents'? They were beating and raping you. How the hell can you defend them?" asked Meg, her mouth open and her eyes wide.

Cas flinched at her words. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "They genuinely cared for you, loved you. All of you."

"How? How the hell can you say that after what they did?" She was exasperated.  _ He is insane. _

"Were you ever hurt?" asked Cas, looking into her eyes again, imploring. "Were you ever neglected? Did you want for anything?" His voice broke. "Did you trust them? Did they ever make you feel anything but accepted? Safe?"

Meg opened her mouth to say something, yet nothing came. She racked her brain. She couldn't refute anything. She felt safe, accepted, and dare she say it, loved. Ed and Tamera were so patient and caring. It was a paradox or duality or some shit she could not name.

"Damn it, yes to all that. I trusted them because I felt safe. Shit." Meg got up and paced. "Why? Why did they treat you that way? Why were you not treated as 'one of their own'?" Meg's brain could not comprehend.

"To keep you safe. To maintain order. To make sure no one else was chosen."

"You mean to tell me, if you weren't there, one of us would have been in your shoes? Fuck that shit."

"A boy named Lucifer was their first, first foster child, their first  _ toy _ . Hannah joined them a month before Lucifer left when he turned eighteen. I was placed there a year after. The Lincoln's were so kind, I felt at home. Then one day Hannah came to me and told me never to trust them. I didn't understand. Michael and Gabriel joined us a few weeks before my birthday in September." Cas blinked several times, took a few deep breaths, and continued. "We all got along, but Hannah was acting weird. Remember they told you I found Hannah dead. She didn't commit suicide, they killed her."

Meg was floored. This was all wrong, no way this happened. She sat down.

"I came home early because I felt sick. I didn't call because I didn't want to bother the Lincoln's at work, so I walked home." His voice hitched. "Ed was raping Hannah as Tamera strangled her. It was horrible! They went too far and she was dead."

"Why didn't you run?"

"Because I was shock-frozen. My perfect parents were monsters. The two people who seemed to care about me more than my real parents locked me in the basement, said it was for my own good. I was down there for a week, and every day was the same thing. They beat me, gave me pills, starved me, and told me Hannah had hung herself in the kitchen. I told them I believed them. I would have told them anything to get them to stop hurting me. To get them to give me food. They took me to the hospital and had me held for psychiatric evaluation because I was 'into drugs and had hurt one of the other kids.' When they brought me home they gave me a choice, but it was not a choice, it was to keep me quiet. They would get their family, Ed would get his fuck toy, and Tamera would get her punching bag. You see, I had to do it. If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. I couldn't let that happen."

"Why didn't you call the police?"

"Would they listen to a child with a history of drug abuse, psychotic behavior, and on antidepressants and antipsychotics?" asked Cas angrily. "The Lincoln's have clean records. They are pillars of the community. I was their bad boy, their burden. I had to think of Michael and Gabriel."

"But…"

"I had to keep away from all of you. They told me if I didn't submit, they would choose someone else. If I left, Michael or Gabriel would take my place. I couldn't do that to them, they were recovering, happy. Gabriel had PTSD because his family was killed in front of him. Michael hadn't spoken in a year but they brought him out of his shell. And then Naomi had joined while I was in the hospital." Cas wiped at his eyes, his breathing hitched. "I was told to be polite but not to interact with their children. I am standoffish and distant for a reason. I had to keep up the persona for them. I had to keep you safe."

"But I am nothing to you." Meg leaned back in her seat. Her brain was so jumbled, thoughts were warring with each other. "Why did you do it?"

"You are a girl who deserved a chance at life, deserved a family. All of you did," said Cas as if it were obvious. "I did it for the child who wanted to be loved. The child who trusted with all his heart. For the child who gave of himself and only asked to be cared for. The child who needed to be safe. I couldn't save him, but I could save you. I needed Ed and Tamera to be that for you."

"No! You don't get to decide. I can look out for myself," said Meg, angrily pointing at him.  _ How dare he? _

"I know." He looked her in the eye. 

"Like hell. You've been with them the whole time. You have no clue how to survive." Not seeing the irony in her words, her fury was clouding her mind. "And, genius, the day you left it could have been me next." Meg stood, anger rolling off her.

"No, none of you. It would have been the new child, someone they hadn't loved yet." Cas' voice was flat again. "But I told them I would stay," Cas said quietly.

"What?" asked Meg, taken aback.

"I told them I would stay until all of you all left. Until they stopped getting foster kids." Cas swallowed hard. "They are close to retirement and they would stop getting kids. Five to seven year--"

"Why would you do something so stupid? You like it? Like the pain, the sex? Was it ever rape?" Meg was lashing out, she knew it but couldn't stop herself.  _ Why else would he do it?  _ Her mind could not comprehend his thinking.

"I didn't want-- I never..." Cas closed his eyes, tears ran down the side of his face onto his pillow. "I wanted to run so many times, but who would protect those who cannot protect themselves? I saw the kids come in--Alfie, Sam, Gabe, Hael--I saw their fear. I saw their hope. I couldn't crush that."

"You did not do this for me! Don't you dare lay this on me. Fuck that shit." She was shaking, she was so mad.  _ No one does that shit for me! I am not worth-- _ "I am not responsible for your perverted sex life!"

"No, never," he said quietly.

"I am nothing to you! We are not family and we are not fucking friends. I don't owe you shit. This is all on you, you crazy freak."

"I know." Cas' face was blank.

"I don't know why I came here. You are just a fucked up prev who likes it rough. Stay the hell away from me."

"Goodbye, Meg," Cas said flatly.

"Fuck you." Meg stormed out of the room not bothering to care if the policeman saw her.


	10. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years after the trial, Meg, Alfie, Dean, Sam, and Gabe get together to reminisce.
> 
> Three years later, Meg reunites with Cas.

Meg walked the six blocks from the hospital to the cafe. She was excited to see Alfie again. The award-winning photojournalist was hard to meet with, always off chasing a story. She shook her head wondering where the last ten years have gone. 

Loki's Lair Cafe and Bakery

She shook her head at the name and wondered why Alfie insisted on this place. It had opened up several months ago and was always crowded, but she never seemed to make it here to try. She went inside and spotted Alfie waving to her in the back. She threaded her way through and saw there are three other people with him. 

Alfie met her in the aisle with a big hug.

"You made it! I am so glad. Come, sit." Alfie guides her to a seat next to him. "You remember Dean, Sam, and Gabe?"

Dean gives her a one-arm hug, Sam engulfs her in his huge arms, and Gabe waves.

"When did you get so huge Sam?" She laughs and smiles at them all. They have kept in touch throughout the years, mostly random texts or emails.

"Gigantor shot up in high school, the freak," says Dean with a mock frown. "I am still the big brother."

They laughed as they caught up. Meg mentioned her newly acquired Nurse Practitioner position. Dean tells about his vintage car restoration shop and steals Sam's news about getting into pre-law at Stanford, full scholarship. Gabe talks about opening his sixth place which happens to be the place they were at.

"I am a franchise! Things really took off. I have to say if it wasn't for Tamera and Ed Lincoln, I wouldn't be where I am today." Gabe had a conflicted look on his face. "They encouraged me to believe in myself. I remember Tamera teaching me to bake bread. That is what started me on this trek. Of course, the scholarships didn't hurt."

Gabe was referring to the scholarships set up for all the kids who had been foster children of the convicted child molesters.

"Yeah, I wouldn't've gone to college." Dean leaned back in his seat. "I was planning on working as a mechanic to save up to send this brainiac here." He jerks his thumb to Sam.

"Whatever, I was going to make my own way." Sam elbows Dean. "And I did earn my own academic scholarships."

Alfie smiled at them all, snapping pictures throughout their visit. They all took it in stride. Gabe was the odd man out, but during the course of the trial, they had gotten to know some of the other kids.

"I want to show you something," Alfie said, pulling it from his backpack. It looked like a coffee table book.

"Is that the house?" Meg asked, touching the cover.

Lincoln Legacies

"Interesting name," Dean said, sipping his coffee.

"It's a photo memoir of the foster kids." Alfie opens it up and there are several group photos in a collage across the two pages. "You see they took photos with every group. There is them with their first, Lucifer Morn--"

Grab points and said, "There's me, Michael, Hannah, and Cas."

"Wow, we look so young." Meg leans closer to the pictures.  _ Cas. _

Cas is in every picture except the first and each one after Hannah he looks like she remembers: Blank, in the background, and closed off.

"Cas was a stone then too," Dean said dismissively. 

"I found out he was eleven when he first arrived and he had turned twelve when Hannah died," Alfie added, turning the page.

"Damn, is that Mikey?" Gabe laughed.

Meg thought he looked handsome. She read the blurb telling about his marriage, kids, and his position as the CEO of one of the biggest investment firms in the country. There were smaller candid shots scattered around the page. 

"Wow, you are good."

The next page was Gabe who whooped and puffed up. "Of course it's inaccurate, I am breaking ground on a new store in Berkley next month. I plan to be in all the major colleges in this country."

The following pages showed Naomi and her successful management agencies, Hael with her famous clothing line, Rachael and Bartholomew, who met as fosters of Ed and Tamera, married, and now own a string of accounting firms. Dean definitely did not blush at his cover which included Sam. Meg was from last year when she was working towards her nurse practitioner position, he even mentioned she was on her way to becoming a doctor, of which she denied with a smirk. Adam had a successful private detective agency in San Francisco. Alfie even had a page in the back. 

Each of the pages had quotes of how the Lincolns, in one way or the other, gave them support and helped them. All except Meg, Alfie, Dean, and Sam's pages.

"Who's that?" Meg asked. She didn't recognize the mug shot that didn't seem to belong. The picture quality was poor and there were only a couple of school photos. 

"That's Lucifer Morningstar. I was able to track him down, only, as you can read, he was convicted of murder and rape and died in prison at the age of twenty-two." Alfie turned the page. "This is Hannah."

The picture showed a young dark-haired teen smiling for a school photo. It was from the yearbook of Springfield High where they all went. She had been a junior when she died. Alfie included a snap of her on what Meg recognized as an autopsy table. The Lincolns were accused of her death, but there was insufficient evidence to convict. 

They all sat in silence for a moment. Gabe went to get them some more drinks.

"Says here she committed suicide." Sam read the copy of a report Alfie had added to her page. 

"Yeah, it was the official report. Don't ask how I got my information. I found out there was no autopsy. The police did not question Ed and Tamera's accounts and Cas was in the hospital under psychiatric evaluation and dismissed as a witness."

Grabe handed out the drinks. "I remember when they found her. There were cops everywhere when we got home from school. Mikey and I were in extra counseling sessions for three months following that. And Cassie was already in the looney bin."

"He said he was locked in the basement for a week," Meg said, hollowly. "Said they beat him and starved him into believing."

Alfie turned the page and the blank stare of Cas greeted them. "This was during the trial, late August. He was still in the hospital awaiting his third surgery."

"Shit."

The trial had lasted for months that summer. Meg shudders remembering the reporters, shrinks, doctors, and detectives all hounding them for answers. They had been lucky not to have to take the stand. She looked at smaller pictures across the pages. He looked haunted. She read the words detailing his deal.  _ His stupid sacrifice for them. Bastard.  _

"What's he doing?" Dean frowned, pointing at a smaller picture. 

"That was the day he left the hospital." Alfie sat back. "I found out by the time the trial was over Cas had aged out of the system. He was released three days after his 18th birthday. I was there with the Angelos to talk to him. He let me take this photo." He points to the medium-sized one with fresh pink scars. "I snapped the others while he was walking away." He places a finger on the forearm crutches. "I didn't know he was that messed up. I mean, I remember the blood, but still. The cops took all my photos, otherwise, I would have included some." Alfie looks distant for a few moments. "I asked him why. Why did he submit to their horrific demands, and all he said he was sorry."

"He apologized to me, too." Meg didn't want to remember him all bandaged and broken. 

"That doesn't answer the fucking question. Why the hell did he do it?" Dean waved his hands around like he didn't want to verbalize it. "We were nothing to him."

"I said the same thing and he told me he did it because he saw how scared and hopeful each of us looked when we arrived." She turns to Gabe. "He said you and Michael were so traumatized he couldn't let them do that to you. He wanted to run, but," realization finally flared in her brain, "he said he did it for the boy he couldn't save. Fuck, he meant himself. He couldn't save himself," Meg said, surprising herself. 

They all sat in silence. Meg stared at the picture of Cas with crutches. She didn't know the extent of his injuries, but damn he looked broken. His eyes bored in hers from the page.

"That's a load of shit," Dean said. "No one saved me. I protected Sammy from a drunken father with a damn knife. I fought foster fucks who wanted to rape us. I--"

"Did you give us loving parents when I needed it most?" Sam asked quietly.

Dean snapped angry eyes at Sam. "No one sacrificed for us, I made it a safe place for you."

"Did you, Dean?" Sam's eyes flashed fury. "What exactly did you do?"

"I kept dad off you! I took the beatings when he wanted to kill you." 

"Yes, you did Dean, but with the Lincolns? What did  _ you _ do?"

"I watched after you. I protected you." Dean's voice faded. 

"From whom? Ed? Tamera? Cas?" At Dean's half-hearted nod, Sam said, "All Cas did was try to stay away from a badgering kid. He did everything he could to get away from me."

"I trusted them when they gave us security, safety, and kindness," Dean whispered, "I couldn't find anything wrong and allowed you to be you."

"Damn," Gabe said. "I just thought he was a stiff little dude. I was so wrapped up in my head I forgot he was a happy and friendly kid when I was placed there. They even had a birthday party for him when he turned twelve. He withdrew after that, but I thought it was finding Hannah. I don't remember any other birthdays for him. Fuck."

"Where is he now?" asked Meg. "I don't see it here." She gestured to his blurb on the page.

"I can't find him. I even had Adam's agency look for him a year ago." Alfie was spinning his glass on the tabletop. "I was almost afraid to find him. Cas scared the shit out of me when I was there and all he did was look at me."

"As I said, he told me to leave him alone when I tried to talk to him." Sam took a drink. "Worst he did was blow smoke in my face."

"He said he had to keep away from us. Ed and Tamera told him to 'stay away from her children.' " Meg pulled another answer from her memory. "I remember Adam asking him if he had killed anyone, he flat out told the little shit," she straightened and did her best Cas impression, " 'Not yet, Adam.' " she laughed. "I swear Adam pissed himself." 

They laughed, traded stories about the different encounters with Cas. Most were one to two-word exchanges, always flat.

"As I said, I searched for him. I checked with the Roman Foundation that set up our scholarships to see where he went to college. He wasn't offered one." Alfie drank the last of his water.

"He wasn't?" Meg sat up at this news.

"Why the hell not?" Dean asked, despite his indifference he looked angry.

Alfie shrugged. "I was told he was no longer a minor, legally an adult, and was not eligible. He still has a huge medical bill that is in default. It shows it is paid in ten and twenty dollar installments once or twice a year but always in cash. It's like he fell off the face of the earth."

"No one helped with his medical bills? Shit, all mine were paid," said Meg. "Shrinks charge a lot."

Dean and Sam also confirmed theirs.

"He never got counseling that I know of. He was just discharged. I didn't find this out until a couple of years ago."

"You mean to tell me a boy who had been physically, sexually, and mentally abused was just left on his own?" Meg was appalled. She would never let that happen to her patients. "Did you check any mental institutions or jails?"

"All of them in this and surrounding states. As far as I know, he could be dead." Alfie said.

"Shit." Gabe stared at the book.

Meg started to close it, unable to look at him anymore, but Alfie turned the page. Mugshots of Ed and Tamera Lincoln covered the pages. There were two sentences of how they became foster parents, but then the rest were newspaper clippings, arrest reports, and their statements. Every horrific thing that had been done to Cas was listed in a medical report with two fuzzy black and white pictures showing his face and back. Several pictures from the trial and them finally being taken to jail for ten years each.

"Ten fucking years?" Meg scoffed. "They got off light." 

The others murmured and the conversation went to different subjects, meandering around the years. They parted with the promise to get together again sooner rather than later.

***

Meg had moved on with her life. She had a lot to be thankful for from the Lincolns, as much as she hated to admit it. They gave her a sense of pride in herself that led her to be more. It was a big reason she became a nurse. Alfie, the discovery of Cas, the deal, the events leading up to and during the trial, and the aftermath pushed her even further. Alfie's prediction was correct, she did eventually become a doctor, head doctor in fact, at a facility for abused children and adults. 

She saw a lot of herself, Alfie, Dean, Sam, even Cas in her patients. She wanted to help them get past their trauma, if not, at least be able to live with it and become who they were meant to be.

It was late November three years after their reunion and Meg was heading to her car to go home. The snow had started to fall as the temps dropped into the upper twenties. Bundled against the bitter cold, she was unlocking her car when she heard something. Whirling around, Meg saw a bum about to attack her with a big stick.

She pulled out her gun, the facility wasn't in the best of neighborhoods and leveled it at his head.

"Back off or I will put so many holes in you, you will look like swiss cheese." She may be short, but she was fierce.

The bum stood several feet away, swaying in the cold wind, propped up by his weapon. Meg blinked in the fading light to see he wasn't hefting it to attack but using it as a cane.

"Hello, Meg."

That familiar voice shocked her to the core, she stepped back, hitting her car. She stared at the greasy, tangled mess of black hair, the scruffy bread, the tattered remains of a tan overcoat, and a work boot and a ripped converse on his feet. She looked to his face again, his eyes, and gasped.

"Cas?"

He coughed wetly and staggered, but kept his footing. His clothes looked horribly inadequate for the weather. His piercing blue eyes were faded. He looked ten years older than... she mentally did the math... thirty. 

"Where have you been?" Meg lowered the gun and took a few steps closer.  _ Is it really him? _

Cas stepped back and said, "Here."

"You aren't listed as a resident." Frowning, she looked at the building behind them.  _ Surely I would have known... _

Cas coughed again and shook his head. "Springfield."

She rolled her eyes. "Where?"

"Around."

"You know, this would be a lot easier if you would say more than one fucking word every damn time." Meg put her hand on her hip. She felt a weird kind of relief at seeing him alive.

"Sorry." His eyes crinkled.

_ He's fucking laughing at me? This bastard can't be... _

He coughed again, doubling over in the effort. Meg reached for him but he backed away.

"Cas." She rolled her eyes. This was weird. 

"Been a while since I've been called that," his voice was raspy. He slowly straightened up.

"Why?" asked Meg, confused. She put her gun back inside her purse.

"Wanted to forget him," said Cas, looking down, leaning heavily on his stick. "I'm Steve."

Meg cringed.  _ Like I did?  _ She noticed the stick was the taped up remains of a forearm crutch. She cleared her throat.

" _ Steve,  _ where's your other crutch?" She asked awkwardly. 

"Traded it a few years ago for a sandw-- I didn't need it anymore." Cas coughed, looking down the street, and pulling something out of his pocket. "Nice to see you again." He turned to leave, sticking a cigarette in his mouth.

"Okay, you freak, I don't think you should be smoking with that cough." Meg reached for him only to have him jerk away. "Stop doing that." 

"I'm fine." He wiped his nose on his sleeve and lit up. He coughed again.

"Don't give me that shit. That has never been true, has it?" She glared at him. Guilt was laying heavily on her. "Has it?"

"No." Cas took a drag, shivering so much he swayed and threatened to fall. He coughed out the smoke.

"Cas, come with me," Meg said softly, reaching out her hand.

"S-ste-eve." Cas took a step back, his eyes flashing fear. His hand was shaking from more than the cold.

_ How many times had I seen that and wrote it off as meds? Moron. _

"What's wrong?" She stepped closer only for him to back away again.

"You said to 'stay the hell away from you.' " Cas used air quotes and coughed again, staggering him. He took a drag.

"Damn it, that was forever ago. I was stupid." Her gut twisted.

"I respected your wishes." He looked at her.

"Fuck this." Meg grabbed him by the arm, surprised at how thin he felt, and how easy it was to drag him to her car. She tossed his cigarette and got him into the seat, driving to the hospital she still frequented. Despite his protests, she got him admitted.

Several hours later she went into his room. A wave of déjà vu hit her when she saw him lying on his side facing away from the door. 

"Hello, Meg."

"Don't you 'Hello, Meg' me." It unnerved her then and it did now that he knew. "What the hell did you think you were doing out there?" Meg pulled up a chair and sat beside him. "In this weather and not dressed properly."

"I didn't know it was you." Cas sounded rough. He had pneumonia and bronchitis which was probably why he has pneumonia. He also had several broken ribs, a busted lip, some kind of infection they were still testing, and covered in bruises. A lot like he was the last time she saw him all those years ago.

"Then why did you approach me?"

"Sometimes Becky or Meredith will give me food. Cole has me give him a blow job for five dollars. Benny fucks me for ten." Cas coughs making tears come to his eyes. "I was hungry."

Meg was shocked at his words and at her employees. Cole and Benny were toast.

"You let people screw you?" She blurted before she could stop herself. She stood, made him roll over to his back, and raised the bed to take the pressure off his lungs and ribs.

"It's all I know. What I am good at." His eyes looked vacant again. "Never graduated…"

"Why didn't you get help?"

"Help?" he asked blankly.

"You needed psychological and psychiatric help."

Cas coughed and closed his eyes. "No one wanted to be near the cripple who let child molesters fuck him."

"Cas, that's--"

"What? Not true?" His laugh was empty as he stared at the ceiling. "After the third, seventh, twentieth time I was turned away, I realized people believed I caused it. They didn't want to risk their reputations, their employees, their businesses. All the reporters who beat down the door to talk to me vanished when the trial was over. I was given a bill for $57,893.87 for surgeries, room stay, medication. Three surgeries and I still couldn't walk right and in pain every day. I searched, I begged, I pleaded. I wasn't the innocent victim, not like you." He sighed in resignation. "No one wanted to help. No one wanted to acknowledge me. I was abandoned." 

"You needed counseling." Meg's heart was breaking. 

"I was given a card for Dr. Barnes." He shuddered. "I didn't know she was real. They made her up as a code for a fuck and torture session during school hours. I never had counseling in my life. And I didn't go then after I found out she charged $180 an hour. I couldn't pay that, and I wasn't eligible for any of the financial aid or free services."

"Every time you were taken to a doctor's appointment, it was just Ed and Tamera--" Meg stopped when he flinched.  _ I am so fucking stupid. _ "Not eligible?"

Meg was struck dumb. They were all given all kinds of help. She always assumed Cas was as well.  _ Out of sight out of mind. Fucking selfish idiot.  _

"Why didn't you reach out to us?" Meg and the others talked and supported each other throughout the whole thing. She still had sort of a family.

"To who?" Cas looked at her with a weird expression.

"Us?" Meg said. "We kept in touch, even the older ones."

"Good for you." Cas closed his eyes. "You were the only one to visit me and you told me to stay away." He looked at her with a soul-crushing sadness. "You think any of the others would have reacted any differently?"

"Cas, I…" Meg wilted under his gaze. "I am sorry."  _ Heartless bitch. Bunch of selfish cunts, all of us. _

He closed his eyes again, seeming to drift off.

"I watched you graduate," he said softly. 

"What?" She looked up from her hands and out of her thoughts. 

"I went to every ceremony. Dean was funny. You were confident. Alfie was so nervous. Sam got really tall and his speech was inspiring." Cas coughed, his voice hoarse. "I was glad I didn't ruin your lives."

"Cas, you fucking bastard. You didn't..." Meg didn't know what to say. "Why would you have done that?"

Ignoring her, he said, "I read Alfie's stories in the papers I could find. He is good. I know his pictures helped put them away." 

"Yes, he is. Won awards. The Angelos are wonderful parents, they adopted him." Meg sighed, letting the conversation go to safer subjects. 

Cas opened his eyes. "That is great. I wondered about the name change."

"Have you been to Loki's Lair?"

"No, but I watched it being built."

"It's Gabe's. His fifth or sixth, I don't remember, but he has a lot of stores. He wants to be in all the major colleges." It was weird chit-chatting with Cas.

"That is good news. He was always a good baker. I remember his sweet rolls."

"Alfie made a book of all the kids Ed and Tamera raised. Lincoln Legacies he called it. Gave us all copies." She saw him flinch and stiffen at their names. "Shows pictures and tells about what we're doing now. Everyone's in it. "

"That's nice. I wish I could see it." His eyes fluttered closed, his breathing slowing down. "It would be nice…"

"I'll bring it tomorrow."

"Thank you, Meg."

"Cas--"

"What?" He looked at her with the hopelessness she didn't see years ago. 

_ Or never bothered to notice. _

Meg put a hand on his arm, ignored the flinch, and said, "Let me help you."

"Why?"

"Because I can now. Because I should have then."

"But Meg," Cas closed his eyes and said flatly, "I am  _ nothing _ to you."

Meg pulled back her hand as if she had been slapped. Her words were flung back at her, but she knew his meaning was different. 

She watched him for a while as he slept. She pulled out her phone and snapped a photo. After a half a minute she texted Alfie.

'Guess who found me.' She typed.


	11. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg gets Cas the help he needs. Cas is reunited with Alfie, Dean, and Sam.

Cas shuffled along the path looking at the birds. Meg followed alongside, letting him lead the way. He took different paths each day, but he always ended up at the same place, the pond. Despite it being February and frozen, he would sit and look out over the ice until he sunset. Sometimes they would talk, but mostly it was quiet.

Meg had been true to her word, she helped him. She got him into her facility and started him with a team of doctors. He had psychiatrists, psychologists, physical therapists, nutritionists, and dietitians. And Meg visited with him every day. 

"The crocuses are starting to bloom." Cas poked at a purple looking blob just under the surface of a bit of ice with his crutch. He still needed crutches and was due to have another surgery next month. But first, he had to deal with his drug addictions and being severely underweight. 

"Those are nice." Meg had no clue what they were, but they made Cas smile. She discovered he had a nice smile, a goofy grin, and a pleasant laugh. Things she never got to experience when they were younger. 

"What is today?" he asked, poking holes in the crusty ice with his crutch, coughing.

"Friday, February 12." She disliked his continuing cough but understood given the state his lungs.

"You should plant more flowers to attract hummingbirds, butterflies, and bees in the Spring." Cas played with the buttons on his coat. "It will bring more life to this urban setting and flowers make people happy."

Meg knew he was struggling to quit smoking, his hardest vice. The detox was not a fun time with the assortment of drugs he has taken over the years, but none seem to be as hard as smoking.

"It's almost suppertime." She stood and waited for him. She hadn't strong-armed him since the night he found her. She wanted him to understand he had a say in what happened to him.

Cas stood and limped towards the building. "You might want to plant marigolds for summer flowers, they are supposed to keep away mosquitoes. Zinnias are very nice too."

Meg was glad he was lucid today. Too many days had him cowering in the corner begging Tamera or Ed to stop, or he would walk around ignoring everyone, stone-faced and vacant. Unfortunately, eighteen years of untreated trauma doesn't go away overnight.

"How about you make me a list. I am not good with the girly stuff." Meg smiled. Another thing she discovered he was an avid reader and gardening was a passion. She had gotten him at least a dozen books on the subject and several plants for his room.

Cas laughs quietly which turns into a cough. Weezing he pulls off his coat and boots immediately after getting inside. He heads to one of the day rooms to get some paper. Soon he is engrossed in lists and diagrams. Meg slips away to see if Alfie texted about their plans.

***

March brought strong winds and successful surgery for Cas to fix the botched job from twelve years ago. He worked hard every day on his physical therapy.

"You'll be dancing in no time." Meg smiled as Cas struggled with the walker.

"I don't know how to dance, Meg." He gave her a grin. "This is the first time since I left that hospital I haven't been in constant pain."

Meg frowned but schooled her features. She would have those surgeons' licenses if they all hadn't retired.  _ Butchers.  _

"You know, Dilaudid was great, I was floating for days, but they wanted money for that. Most of the time I could trade a fuck for some of oxy to cope. You know I can get hard at will. Ed taught me. A few times I got coke, that was good stuff, worth the fucking." Cas sat down heavily on the couch. "Couldn't get it all the time, most don't want a cripple fuck. I stayed away from heroin and meth, though they were cheap, I saw too many people die on that stuff." He rubs his legs and smiles, his scars stand in stark contrast on his face, his eyes unfocused as he coughs. He blinked, scratching at his arms. "I could use a cigarette." 

"No cigarettes, you know that. And I swear, if I catch you on the roof again, so help me." She cringes when he talks about his life, but she does not shy away. She never wants to be blind again. "I have warned the staff about you. Cas, how many times must I tell you?"

"At least once more, Ms. Masters, as always," Cas said with a gummy smile.

Meg rolls her eyes, smiling back at him. Though she was ready to tear her eyes out at the sheer number of viewings, she will always watch that movie with him. 

"Have a peppermint." She hands him a stick of candy.

Cas takes with a frown. After unwrapping it, he sticks it in his mouth and gets up to limp over to the self of board games. "I hate these peppermints."

Meg laughed. "Yeah, you eat enough of them to prove that statement wrong." 

"You don't have to like something to eat it," Cas said gruffly, picking through the games, "or be good at it."

Meg's stomach rolls knowing he is not talking about the mints. She wipes at her eyes when her phone goes off.

"Your phone beeps a lot." He doesn't look up from his search.

"I'm going to check the door. Remember, we are having dinner guests." She leaves him and has to stop herself from running. 

"Alfie!" She hugs him and ushers him in.

"Hey, Meg. How is he?" Alfie looks nervous, like a scared teen all over.

"It's a good day." Meg takes him to the day room but they don't go in. 

"I wanted to come earlier, like four months ago," his tone is accusatory.

"He was too fragile," Meg said softly, remembering. "I have kept you updated on his progress." 

They watch Cas setting up a board game at one of the tables. He is talking to himself. 

_ Hannah, he's talking to Hannah.  _ Meg found out Cas did that in order to cope with his deal.

"Wow, he looks so different." Alfie is taking out a camera.

Meg puts a hand on his. "Wait. Please ask him first."

Alfie nods absently and says, "Gabe and Michael can't make it but Dean and Sam are coming. Adam isn't coming either, some big case dealing with the government."

Meg nodded. "All the others said no. Doesn't matter." She balled her hands into fists wanting to hit something. She understands they were busy, but they owe their lives to Cas.

"Wait here," Meg starts walking as she checks her phone when it beeps. Dean and Sam greet her with hugs. Yeah, she became a hugger over the years.

"Where is he?" Dean asks, nervously. 

"In the Garden Dayroom. Alfie is already here," she said, leading them. "I've had the other residents moved to the other day rooms and dining halls so we can be alone." Being the director had its perks. She stopped them just outside the door where they greeted Alfie. "As I said before, he's is fragile. Please follow my lead."

Cas was heading towards the dining table when she entered. Meg watched Cas's smile fade when he took in the visitors. He stood still with a white-knuckled grip on his walker, wide-eyed, before shutting down. 

_ Damn it. _

"Cas, you remember Alfie, Sam, and Dean?"

His focused blank stare was the only indication he was aware of anything.

Meg held up her hands to stop the others. "Cas, look at me." She stepped up close. "I'm going to touch your arm."

As expected he flinched but stayed still. His eyes slowly moved to her face.

"I told you they were coming." Meg nodded to get him to engage. "It's okay, you can interact with them. You have permission."

Cas blinks and glances at the trio behind her. Trembling, he reaches to touch her hand. 

"Yes, I'm here." Meg steps aside. "Cas, Dean, Sam, and Alfie came to visit."

He reached into the bag attached to his walker and pulled out his dog eared copy of the Lincoln Legacies book.

"Okay?" Cas pats the book, looking at each one of them. "Safe?" He opens it.

"Cas, yes we are." Alfie steps forward and nods.

"You are okay?" Cas asked, his raspy voice cracking as he pats her picture.

Meg takes the book. "See, Cas," she points to each page with their pictures, "they are okay."

He looks at the book and up to the people. Meg flips the pages so he can see them all. She finally flips to his pages and points. 

"Cas, you are okay. You are safe." Meg holds his arm, feeling the tremors. When he nodded, she said, "Let's go eat supper?"

Cas looked at his photo and touched his face. He scowled and closed the book, putting back into his bag. "Yes, ma'am," he said flatly and coughed.

The meal was awkward. Cas stared as they talked mechanically eating. Meg tried to engage Cas but it was like many years ago. Afterward, they went to the table with the board game.

"Why don't you explaining this to them," Meg suggested, motioning for the others to sit.

"This is a game I think you will enjoy," Cas said blankly at the group, not really looking them. They all sat while Meg went to get his medications. She listened to him talk while she left. 

"You can't get out of the start unless you draw a one or a two," Cas explained, his voice hollow. "Your goal is to get home."

When she got back the game was in full swing. Cas took his colorful pills and smiled genuinely. He drew and laid the card down. He moved his piece over to Alfie's piece and moved Alfie's back to start.

"Sorry, Alfie. That is how the deal was made. I couldn't talk to you nor help you in any way. I had to stay away from the children. Ed and Tamera were painfully explicit. When I tried to help Meg, I got this."

He stood, raising his shirt, and uncovered his stomach. On it was a crude flower design amid other lines of puffy scar tissue.

"Tamera was very inventive." He pointed to his stomach where the scars formed petals. "She used a curling iron to do this." Tracing the pattern he frowned and coughed. "I had to scream loudly, it hurt bad. Of course, Ed had already fucked me, but I didn't bleed, it had been years since I bled. He was so excited, he didn't wait for her." Tears were rolling down his face. "I heard you, Alfie. You said I was like your dad. I am sorry, you have to go back to start, but I would never send you back to that home." He wiped his face when he sat down.

The others were in shock. They looked to Meg who motioned to them to continue. Dean took a card and moved.

"Dean, you can slide there since you landed on it," Cas said, showing him how to move. "I'm sorry but that will also send Sam back to start. Even though you played by the rules, someone gets hurt. But you won't get separated."

Sam took a card and landed on a square with Cas' piece. 

"It's okay, Sam," Cas said, picking up his piece. "You are kind and eager to make friends, but you have friends, Sam. I could never be your friend, I couldn't talk to you because I am dirty and disgusting." He had another coughing fit.

"Do you have a cigarette?" Cas turned to Dean, his shaking hands searching his pockets. "No, you are a good boy, Dean. I knew why you had to do it. I would have. I'm a dick, prick, bastard, freak, who should never be around your baby brother. He was too naive. You had to hit me." He leaned over to whisper, "But you know what? I got to lie to them. They never knew. I never told them." Cas laughed humorlessly, looking at each of them. "I never got to keep secrets from them before."

"Cas, I shouldn't ha--" Dean started but was interrupted.

Cas picked up a card. "See Alfie, you can change places with anyone on the board and send them back. There was no way I would ever switch places, I could never be sent home again." 

Cas moved all their pieces on the board until they were all in the blue home space and he was at his red start section. 

"I had to save you, you see, you were their children. They loved you all so much. It hurt sometimes, remembering I used to be loved by them, but Hannah suffered for me. I couldn't do that to anyone else." Coughing, he looked at each of them in turn. "I made sure you had wonderful parents and Ed and Tamera were the best. So caring, patient, and kind." He smiled weakly. "I kept the monsters away from you. Tamera was so sadistic, she loved her whip. Her favorite was to whip me while Ed fucked me. They would have movie nights afterward." He wiped his eyes with trembling hands. "I would listen from my room, waiting for the aspirin to work, while you all had a nice night."

"Let me, please." Meg held him in her arms as he spiraled. She knew it was bad, but never would have imagined. She rocked him slowly, stroking his hair. 

"I always hurt." He pulled away and shoved all the playing pieces to the yellow start, coughing.

"Adam had to snoop, I thought I had him scared enough. I knew he stole my cigarettes, I could see it in his eyes. Yet he had to snoop and find me. Ruined it all. Because of me, you were taken away from your home," Cas sobbed, covering his face.

Meg tried to hold him again but he pushed away from her, crying. "I couldn't…"

"Cas," said Alfie, crouching down to his line of sight, "I was scared of you and that kept me safe." He laid a hand on Cas' arm

Cas gasped wide-eyed, jerked back his arm like he had been burned. 

"You're real?" He sat up and looked at them, before he asked Meg, "Alfie is here?" 

"Yes, Cas, he's really here." Meg held him by the arm so he wouldn't fall out of his chair. 

Cas asked, "Dean? Sam?"

"Yes." Dean looked uncomfortable but stayed still when Cas reached for him. 

"You were the only one to touch me in years when you hit me." Cas winced and pulled back before contact. "No one ever touched me since Hannah." He coughed again, wheezing to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry, I overreacted," Dean said sadly.

"I sat out there for an hour just thinking about it." Cas laughed. "I evened considered making you do it again, but I didn't want to get you in trouble."

"You were getting hurt enough already." Dean placed a hand on Cas' knee.

Cas flinched, staring at him.

"You shouldn't have had to suffer for our happiness," Sam added.

"Dean did for Sam," Cas said flatly, his expression fading.

"He's my brother." Dean looked at Sam, his eyes soft. "It's what big brothers do."

"Yes, they do, Dean." Cas looked toward the window. 

"Yes, you did, Cas." Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. "You did a great job."

Cas gasped and looked at Sam's hand on his shoulder. He coughed and said, "I am not part of the family. Separate."

"You are our big brother," Alfie said, "we didn't know we had."

"I am younger than Michael, Gabe, Naomi, Rachael, Bartholomew, Hael." Cas named them all off, his eyes growing distant. 

"Doesn't matter, you did what no one else could have done. What I couldn't do. You protected us," Dean said, giving Cas a hug.

Cas was stiff at first then melted into the action. He gripped Dean's shirt and whispered. "They're coming to get me."

"No," said Meg, stroking his hair. "I told you. You are safe."

"They'll be out of prison soon. I have to go when they come." Cas nodded, pulling out of Dean's arms. "I promised for the children."

"Cas," said Sam, leaning forward in his seat. "They are not coming for you and they cannot get any more kids. They're registered child sex offenders, and I know where they are."

"They're out?" Cas sat rigidly, his breathing labored. "I can't break my promise." He coughed violently. 

Meg held him while Alfie got him a glass of water. She let go when he was steady.

Sam held up a piece of paper. "This is the new deal, legal and signed by a judge. They can't come within 1000 feet of any children and that includes you."

Meg made a questioning face at Sam. He winked at her.

"I am not a child. I'm twenty-seven." Cas frowned, his shaking hands searching his pockets. 

"You're thirty, Cas, and it doesn't matter." Meg gave him a peppermint stick, which he took and unwrapped slowly. He stuck it in his mouth, frowned, and handed it back to Meg.

"It's time for us to protect you." Sam smiled as he put the paper away.

"I am nothing to you." Trembling, Cas reaches for them.

"You were never nothing." Meg hugs him close.

"But you are everything to me," Cas whispers as they all hold him tightly.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Bonnie, my avid reader and honest friend.
> 
> For all my readers who love a hurting Cas.


End file.
